You All Have Yet Another Phone Call

[Aeromage]

You've already picked it up. It's too late to hang up now. That'd just be impolite.

At the other end, a rambling, tired-sounding male voice speaks.

"Yes, this is Mr. Progression...

...

...well...

...thanks for calling.

This is everyone, isn't it? I thought I'd conference you all in once more.

...well, most of everyone.

Some of most of everyone.

I guess everyone's got busy lives nowadays...

...or having busy lives pushed in their faces or other parts of themselves they'd rather it wasn't...

...it's been pretty busy here, too.

...well...

...I say 'busy', but I've mostly been just sitting about doing very important things that aren't at all just doing nothing.

Really, I haven't.

...I'd say it's all the boss's fault, but he'd just start screaming again.

And not in the angry way, more the 'soul-crushing despair' kind of way.

It's kind of a downer.

Really, honestly a downer.

But I get it, you know?

Sometimes life just be like that, you know?

...at least, that's what the kids nowadays say, anyway.

They don't seem to care about their grammar.

Either linguistic or family-related.

It's tragic.

Really, truly tragic.

Who'll they get to bake them socks and knit them cookies if they alienate people and/or language constructs like that?

...

...anyway.

It's that thing that you guys all like again.

...what?

No, it's not Ultra Grabby-Walrusfest Hyper Turbo X Edition Featuring Zeero Megamegagogo and Plixplix from Angels May Scream (In Terror While Running Away).

We've got that at home.

...and by 'That', I mean 'I'm opening the Whateverhouse again for the festive season and dragging some other guys into it too because the boss keeps going on about gifting and then screaming about how he's now doing more gifting than he expected'.

All cleared by the Big Guy, and everything.

It's very above-board.

...mostly above-board.

Definitely north of the wainscoting, at least.

...

...what?

No, I said 'wainscoting', not 'Wain's Cotting'.

Don't go dragging out obscure Monty Python skits about nonexistant rural villages on me, I've read the entire book.

...anyway.

This year, we're going to be focusing on all those new categories and subtypes and derivatives the Big Guy has come up with whilst doing that big reorganisation.

Get some more examples out there, you know?

Maybe fill in some gaps, you know?

Including gaps that you didn't know existed yet because they don't exist yet in-Universe, but they will, and in fact do, you just can't see them.

...that's right, we're on the bleeding edge of discovery right here.

Slap a bandage on and dive on in.

...

...what?

How does it work?

You don't want to figure it out for yourselves?

...

...the boss is yelling at me again.

...fine.

First, you use one of your Premium Temporary Festive Whateverhouse Ticket Hyper Turbo X Edition Featuring Zeero Megamegagogo and Plixplix from Angels May Scream But Not Really...s.

Next, you need to pick a Category.

Then, you need to pick a Mod World.

If you pick Seirei, you need to pick a Moon.

...people who've been paying attention might have more moons to pick from than others.

If you pick Sesamara, you need to pick a Dreaming World.

...that guy says that picking the Serpent Cradle would probably count too, even if the big snake isn't technically asleep.

If you pick Sanctum Victoria, you need to choose between Steam, Grandeur, or the Mystery Box.

...your guess is as good as mine.

...

...and that's it.

You just stand there screaming until your gift pops into being in front of you.

...oh, and the boss wanted to let you know that picking a powerful moon doesn't necessarily mean you're going to get its best-element or -subtype stuff.

"Spread your picks out a little, why don't you, you bastards?"

...that's what somebody who isn't me would say if that theoretical situation were to occur.

I'm far too professional to do that, of course.

Really, way too professional.

...

...have you noticed all of those places start with 'S'?

I'm beginning to think there's some sort of conspiracy at play, here.

Somebody track down those Puzzle Dudes and start demanding straight answers.

...you know, to offset the curves in the 'S's.

...

...what?

How many tickets do you get?

...well...

...each of the meta-entities controlling all of you guys get four tickets each.

Because there are now way too many of you, and the boss wants to keep things fair.

Except the Big Guy, who gets twelve because that's his number. He can do what he wants with them.

...what?

Why four?

Because that's the Big Guy's holy number divided by the number of the Saints.

...or if you don't really believe in him, it's because it's the number of days in that festive period divided by an arbitrary three because of reasons.

...also, that means you're gadnostic.

...

...well, anyway.

As usual, this will be open until the end of New Year's Day.

That should be long enough to decide, but still short enough to panic.

...and isn't that what the season's all about?

...

...so, what'll it be?"




Mr. Progression's Festive Call-In Whateverhouse III- New Derivatives Hyper Turbo X Edition Definitely Probably Not Featuring Zeero Megamegagogo and Plixplix from Angels May Scream


Four picks per player!
Gadigan gets twelve picks, and can keep or distribute results wherever as he sees fit!
Choose a character to pull with, then a category, then select a mod-world and its particular modifier!
For Seirei, choose a Moon!
For Sesamara, choose a Dreaming World!
For Sanctum Victoria, choose either Steam, Grandeur or the Mystery Box!
Closes at midnight on New Year's Day! (Let's say... PST)



♦◊♦ I Saw Mommy Killing Santa Claus (Underneath Munitions Nouveau Last Night) 'Weapons and the like, all under those new derivative subtypes that have popped up. Maybe you'll even get something you can use!'

♦◊♦ Now We Don Our What The Hells Are These, How Do You Even Wear This Apparel 'Armour from those new derivatives that showed up. Look as fancy as you feel confused. Or possibly uncomfortable, in some cases. I'm pretty sure some of those would ride up like nobody's business.'

♦◊♦ The First Snow-Spell (The Nonbase Angel Did Slay) 'Guess what? There's new varieties of Spell, too. And they've all been freshly shuffled into new groupings. These guys might get changed later, as they're still needing a bit longer in the oven, but there's a lot of options. Like, a lot.'

♦◊♦ Probably, Definitely More Than Just Five Gold Rings 'Accessories got organised, too. They're probably even threatening a union. Teach them not to do that by picking from this section, and then try to work out how you equip furniture, or something.'

♦◊♦ We Three Things Of Orient Are 'Not pets. Definitely, probably not pets. But there's a bunch of fancy new-ish entity subtypes out there that nobody's been paying attention to, and now they're sad and looking through the windows and making you depressed. Stuff from here will probably work with or boost them.'

♦◊♦ I Saw A Glitch Come Sailing In (Double-Pick) 'Sure, I'll just wade back on in to the gaping holes left in reality and fish out some probably-useless stuff if that's what you really want. Might not work for the non-Seirei worlds, though. I don't think they got dinged up as badly.'

[The Nottest of Daves]

"Hello, yes, Mr. Progression sir? This grandest of Dulcineas, with dominion over FEAR ITSELF, has a list of requests that you said to SCREAM INTO THE VOID."

"First up, I am choosing ♦◊♦ I Saw Mommy Killing Santa Claus (Underneath Munitions Nouveau Last Night) from Seirei! My chosen Moon(?) is The Land of Confusion! May Confusion (3) bring forth Confusion (2) and Confusion, that all may be Confused by my glory!"

"Second, I am choosing ♦◊♦ We Three Things Of Orient Are, also from Seirei! The chosen Moon is Vernat! Hopefully something Rootmindy might come out of it..."

"Third, Enrica is sending a finely written letter to Great Uncle Moonterro of Seirei, requesting ♦◊♦ Now We Don Our What The Hells Are These, How Do You Even Wear This Apparel!"

"Finally, Celestine is petitioning Indrasena-un-Sesamara for ♦◊♦ The First Snow-Spell (The Nonbase Angel Did Slay)!"

"Now, how many times was I supposed to SCREAM THIS INTO THE VOID, again?"

[Armocida]

"Hello, Mr. Progression, The Lord Emperor of Spirits and his attendants? Entourage?...whatever its not important what is is called. He sends a request from the spiritual realm."

First he picks ♦◊♦ The First Snow-Spell (The Nonbase Angel Did Slay) Seirei - Moon: Taokage, The Moon of Magic!

Second, ♦◊♦ The First Snow-Spell (The Nonbase Angel Did Slay) Seirei - Moon: Victoria Sanctorum, The Moon of Holy Victory!

Third, ♦◊♦ Probably, Definitely More Than Just Five Gold Rings Indrasena

Fourth, ♦◊♦ Now We Don Our What The Hells Are These, How Do You Even Wear This Apparel Seirei - Moon: AEONAUT, THE EMPEROR MOON: GOVERNOR OF CYCLES!

"There will be no screaming into the void from me too many voices and noises as it is...this following can be quite bothersome sometimes."

[Kitsune106d]

There is scuffling in the background before a REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE of a screaming fox with good lungs is heard. This goes on for about 5 minutes before a large thud , a yip of surprise then the sound of the phone receiver hitting the ground. Then the rustling of ropes is heard then , "Keep her quiet.. get the rag.... hurry...'

There is a moment of silence before Celery picks up the receiver.

"Oh, okay.. LETS SEE!!!"

She inhales ominiosuly then breath sscreams into the receiver.

"SORRY ABOUT THAT. WE HAD TO SHUT UP THE SILLY FOX DRUG GODDESS. WE THINK SHE WAS SAMPLING HER SUPPLY, WE THINK. ANYWAY,

HERALCES WILL DO: I SAW MOMMY KILLING SANTA CLAUS (UNDERNEATH MUNITIONS NOVEAU LAST NIGHT). HE WANTS A DREADBLADE! SERIE, MALTHUS

i WILL DO THE SAME. I SAW MOMMY KILLING SANTA CLAUS (UNDERNEATH MUNITIONS NOVEAU LAST NIGHT) . SERIE, CANTA THE SIGNING MOON

CATRICE WILL TAKE "WE THREE THINGS OF ORIENT ARE. SERIE, BELZWROTH THE WRETCHED MOON NEEDS LOVE! HEY... GET THAT THING AWAY FROM ME... NO I AM NOT GIVING YOUR MR FLUFFLES A KISS!

AND FINALLY REMALIUS WILL GIFT FINN HIS TICKET. PROBABLY DEFINTELY MORE THAN JUST FIVE GOLD RINGS, SERIE, ALKYRION AS HE DESERVES A GIFT. WHAT... OH RIGHT, POLITELY OFFER IT AND IF HE DOESNT' WANT IT YOU CAN GIVE IT TO ME.
"

SHE WILL KEEP ON SCREAMING THIS INTO THE VOID, REPEATING HERSELF AS HER BREATH CLINGS.

[Aeromage]

My guys are up.

The Doctor decides to check in on his promoted shapeshifting friend! He claims one for The First Snow-Spell (The Nonbase Angel Did Slay) via the Serpent Cradle of Sesamara.

Caelum decides to acknowledge that one entity that stood ready to assist him that one time of great upheaval. He turns in his ticket for Probably, Definitely More Than Just Five Gold Rings via Viparita of Sesamara.

Rosaline is already in Sanctum Victoria. She decides she may as well continue her endeavours there. She opts for Now We Don Our What The Hells Are These, How Do You Even Wear This Apparel via Sanctum Victoria's Grandeur Element.

Viren decides to see what's up with the same place, calling for Probably, Definitely More Than Just Five Gold Rings via Sanctum Victoria's Mystery Box.

[Celas]

First up, Celas hears tell that there's some Naming Magic and maybe Mantras afoot around Sesamsara! Thusly, our first contender goes to The First Snow-Spell (The Nonbase Angel Did Slay) by way of Upadrashta, The Ordered Star

Secondly, El's pulling Probably, Definitely More Than Just Five Gold Rings from Seirei via Alkyrion, The Transcendent Moon.

Thirdly, Jonathan Durandal, Knight of the Atom decides to try to get some fancy new duds; Now We Don Our What The Hells Are These, How Do You Even Wear This Apparel from Sanctum Victoria's Steam category.

And last, but most definitely not least. Anathema, striding the Real and Imaginary, the Battle Arena and the Bullfighting Palace, Smorgasborg of Arena Member and Samurai Detective defies these rules as stated. She executes the legendarily convoluted Imaginary Hax Art: Nonlocalized Interaction! Her ticket goes towards I Saw Mommy Killing Santa Claus (Underneath Munitions Nouveau Last Night) from SANCTUM VICTORIA by way of VICTORIA SANCTORUM, the Seireian Moon of Holy Victory!

As my head is in far too much pain for any screaming into the void, you will instead have to take it on faith that my internal screaming is both present and sympathetic to your own.

[Lord Gadigan]

Let's go with the following:

I Saw Mommy Killing Santa Claus (Underneath Munitions Nouveau Last Night) - Cintho
The First Snow-Spell (The Nonbase Angel Did Slay) - Vernat
We Three Things Of Orient Are - Cruore
I Saw A Glitch Come Sailing In (Double-Pick) - Great Uncle Moonterro

Now We Don Our What The Hells Are These, How Do You Even Wear This Apparel - Indrasena
Probably, Definitely More Than Just Five Gold Rings - Pisuna-Pratipaksha
I Saw Mommy Killing Santa Claus (Underneath Munitions Nouveau Last Night) - Pisuna-Pratipaksha
The First Snow-Spell (The Nonbase Angel Did Slay) - The Serpent Cradle

Now We Don Our What The Hells Are These, How Do You Even Wear This Apparel - Grandeur
Probably, Definitely More Than Just Five Gold Rings - Steam
We Three Things Of Orient Are - Mystery Box
I Saw Mommy Killing Santa Claus (Underneath Munitions Nouveau Last Night) - Steam

Thank you for the tickets and for running this, guys!

[The Nottest of Daves]

The First Round of Whatevers Arrives

"Oi there, got a delivery fer ya! From a... Mister Progression, weird name, that, anyway..."

"Miss Rosaline Fabrice! You've received a fine new gown from the hand of Madam Vertraude herself, quite impressive it is..."

"Mr. Viren the Green Goblin(?), you've been sent this weird spiky cup... It's makin' me nervous, so take it away..."

"Johnathan Durandal! We've got this crate fer ya, sent straight from the Naval Laboratory, not sure why they'd be sending ya sommat, since ya don't appear to be a Navy man..."

"Miss Anathema, I was supposed to have sommat fer ya here, but all I can find in me bag is a letter what says 'I.O.U. - Soon'."

"Milord Gadigan, you've got here... a corset, a box from Pittman's Armory & Steamworks, this odd little statuette, and... a pair of motorized scissors?"

"Well, that's all I've got. Thank ye fer yer time, and remember to use the Royal Post and Parcel Service for all yer postal needs!"

Rosaline: *Madam Vertraude's Gown of Grand Impressions (Armor, Clothing: Formalwear, Grandeur & Air, 40,000,000 Gold) +40,000 Defense, -10% Dodge, Wearer's actions gain '30% may inflict Charm: Impressed', Wearer's Charm infliction chances (including sub-status effects) are increased 30% while not afflicted with any Negative Status Effects, Wearer's Charm infliction chances (including sub-status effects) are increased 30% against targets that are carrying less gold than wearer, Wearer may spend an action to inflict Charm: Impressed or Charm: Lovestruck on a single target


Viren: A Golden Chalice, Carven with Mysterious Runes, Which Menaces with Spikes of Chalcedony (Accessory, Container: Chalice, Earth & Mystic, 666,778 Gold) +666 Magical Attack, the first time in a thread that Wielder kills an entity of at least level 20 with an attack that incorporates the attack bonus from this item, Wielder gains 1 additional Spell slot that can only equip Accursed Magic, Blood Magic, Catastrophe Magic, or spells that are Blood, Mystic, Terror, or That Which Calls the End of Earth element, and at any point after that in the thread Wielder may, so long as no individual of higher Level or that is Level 100 or greater objects, spend an action that sets the status of the Imaginary Element 'Which Calls the End of Earth' to Manifested, changes this item's element to 'Which Calls the End of Earth', and changes this item's text to 'Has RP Effects'.


Johnathan Durandal: Experimental Underwater Mining Rig (Armor, Power Armor: Environmental Armor, Steam & Metal & Water, 4,127,300 Gold) +10,100 STR, +10,100 CON, +20,000 HP, +15,200 Melee Attack, +30,400 Defense, Gain immunity to Drowning (but not its sub-status effects) and Suffocation (but not its sub-status effects), This item counts as additionally possessing the subtype Heavy Armor: Diving Armor, and attacks that incorporate its bonus count as involving an additional Tool: Drill and/or Tool: Hammer.

Anathema: PENDING DISCUSSION, Watch here for more information to come!


Lord Gadigan 1: Whalebone Corset (Armor, Clothing: High Fashion, Grandeur & Water, 2,321,224 Gold) When equipped with another piece of equipment with the subtype Clothing: High Fashion or Clothing: Formalwear, the wearer gains +23,212 Defense and +50% to Charm infliction chances

Lord Gadigan 2: Pittman's Armory & Steamworks: Steam Grenade, Mk. IV (Accessory, Ammo: Grenade, Steam & Fire, 125,485,999 Gold) +127,200 Ranged Attack, Wielder's Ranged Attacks gain 1 hit against 10, Wielder's Ranged Attacks create a Zone of Steam & Fire that includes up to 10 targets of the attack and no others and attaches an effect to the newly-created Zone that does not stack that deals 250,000 flat Steam & Fire element damage to all entities in the Zone at the end of every round.

Lord Gadigan 3: Revelation of the Form of Doom (Active Ability, Doombringer) If possessor has not been scanned and is a Horror or Bio-Horror, possessor may spend an action that reveals the contents of a successful scan of possessor to all enemies to inflict Confusion: Fear on up to 100 targets. If possessor is a Living Rumor, possessor may inflict Confusion: Fear on up to 1,000 additional targets as part of that action.

Lord Gadigan 4: Marcel von Braun's Novel Electrical Clipperizer 3000! (Weapon, Tool: Scissors, Steam & Electrical, 31,415 Gold) +314 Melee Attack, 50% Chance to re-target Melee attacks to Wielder, 50% chance wielder's actions are replaced by making a Melee Attack against a random legal target, This item may not be unequipped normally

[Aeromage]

Return Call- Not-Dave

"Well...

...I suppose you think you're very funny.

The Land of Confusion isn't a Moon.

It's not even connected to the Moons.

It's its own weird thing, and you insisting on asking for something from there is just confusing matters.

...which is why you're getting it.

...

...good luck with that.

Fortunately, your other request looks a bit more on target...

...

...oh, and that one other lady may have gotten a job offer.

...or a join-the-family offer.

...or Great Uncle Moonterro decided to give her some hand-me-downs that were lying around.

Who knows, with that guy."

Dulcinea

(Item, Antiquity (Spell, Necromancy: Gray Magic, Confusion (3), (Current Date as an integer / Day of the week as a numerical value) MP, ✓756,098,140 Gold)- (Weapon, Confusion (3), Confusion (2), -378,630,811 Gold) +30,000 Ranged Attck, 300% inflicts Confusion, +31,040 Defense, -3,786 Defense against SAN damage, wielder's Ranged Attack bonuses instead become Magical Attack bonuses if they weren't previously another attack bonus type, wielder's Magical Attack bonuses instead become Melee Attack bonuses if they weren't previously another attack bonus type, wielder's Melee Attack bonuses instead become Ranged Attack bonuses if they weren't previously another attack bonus type, wielder's allies gain +40,000 Magical Attack as a non-stacking effect that cycles through Attack Bonus types each round in the sequence of (Magical -> Ranged -> Melee -> (any other Attack Bonus type present on entities in the same battle, in alphabetical order) -> Magical), all instance of Negative status effects applied by wielder instead become an instance of Confusion that counts as being the same severity (Minor, Moderate, Major, etc) as the replaced status effect, Minor status effects inflicted by wielder may stack up to 4 times, While this item is equipped all entities in the same battle have their name changed to 'Someone', and all items and equipment present in the same battle have their names changed to 'Something', this item's presence in battle sets the status of the Imaginary Weapon Subtype Confusion (3) and Imaginary Element Confusion (2) to 'Manifested', should this somehow not occur this item's Subtype becomes Force: Chaos Talon, its Element becomes Weird, and the source of this item's inability to Manifest the aforementioned Imaginary Subtype and Element has its name changed to 'But then, they'


Grand Wreath of Verdure Ascendant (Accessory, Trinket: Trophy, Earth & Wood & Life & Good, 250,000,000 Gold) +(Possessor's Fame * 250) to all stats, +(Possessor's Fame * 50) as an uncapped bonus to one stat possessor has the highest corresponding Base Stat for, Possessor may gain 1 Temporary Fame for every non-summoned enemy defeated, to a maximum of 50 Temporary Fame gained in this manner; If possessor is a Plant and their Fame is 50 or more, possessor may choose for their subtype to become Verdant; If possessor is a Plant or Verdant and their Fame is 100 or more, possessor may choose to gain 1 to their highest Base Stat and for their subtype to become Arch-Verdant or Rootmind.


Enrica

Minor Footman of House Mo(o)nter(r)o's Fine Formal Heavy Tuxedo- (Armor, Heavy Armor: Speaker's Mail, Mystery & Hax, 2,661,422 Gold) +2,661 Defense, +2,661 Defense against Stat Damage, +2,661 to all stats, +261,422 HP and MP; if possessor possesses at least 1 Unique ally, wearer may not be targeted or scanned by entities, may not be affected by effects attached to Zones, battlespaces or rooms, and does not count as a valid target for Constant Effects or Abilities, possessor may choose to append 'Monterro', '-Monterro', 'Montero' or '-Montero' to their name, being able to change this whenever their name is checked for any purpose



Return Call- Armocida

"Well...

...I suppose you've got the car to say you're Emperor.

Some guys become Emperor just by saying they are, so you've got a leg up there.

...maybe an arm up.

...honestly, it gets weird with people who don't have fully physical or described bodies.

Don't go getting cocky, though.

You might have the authority, but that only applies to things weaker than you, by and large.

...and a lot of people won't want to return to that old status quo.

Really, they won't.

...

...seriously, they can mess you up badly in a lot of lasting ways, so watch out for that.

...

...well, anyway.

Have some stuff."

Rukathal

Convergence of Spiritual Forces- (Spell, Divine Magic: Spirit Magic, Magic & Essence & Ki & Mystic, 60,000 MP, 6,000,000 Gold) +6,000 Melee Attack, +6,000 Magical Attack, +6,000 Ranged Attack, 3 hits against 1, caster gains 1 Black or White Spiritual Mark for each successful hit landed with this spell (to a maximum of 3 each round), if caster possesses 10 Black or White Spiritual Marks, caster may choose for offensive actions taken using this spell to use the combined total of two of their attack bonuses (eg: Melee and Magical); if caster possesses 30 Black or White Spiritual Marks, caster may choose for offensive actions taken using this spell to use the combined total of three of their attack bonuses (eg: Melee, Magical and Ranged), caster must possess the ability 'Adept Spirit Magic Attunement' or (possess the ability Shrine Maiden, the ability Binder, the subtype Spirit and possess at least 10 allies that are Spirits)

"O Lord, Give Me A Sign!"- (Spell, Combat Arts: Mystic Weaponry, Faith, 500 MP, 500,000 Gold) If Caster has a Patron Deity, Caster may use an action to create and optionally equip a Temporary Weapon named 'Sign From <Patron Deity Name>' that is a Polearm: Signpost, that is solely (Faith and/or any one Tier 1 Element from said Patron Deity's Preferred Elements list) element, that is worth 500,000 Gold, with the text '+500 to all stats, +500 Melee Attack, 115% To Hit, 5% inflicts Awestruck or Voidstruck (with the choice being made at the time of this weapon's creation), 30% inflicts Favored: Anointed on wielder at the start of each round, 30% delays offensive actions made against wielder for 1 round if wielder is afflicted with Favored: Anointed', this spell additionally counts as possessing the subtype Divine Magic: Miracle Magic, Caster must possess a Patron Deity to cast this spell

[Blank] Tattoo- (Armor, Body-Mod: Tattoo, Null, 0 Gold) +0 Defense, +0 Attack, +0 to all stats, +0% To Hit, Critical Chance, Dodge and Resilience, wearer does not count as having an Armor equipped for the purpose of effects and abilities that check for such

[Pathaky]

A phone call! One loves to be considered. It's a very Selim Christmas!

Call on Line One:
Roy Selim, twisting barbed-wire telephone cord around flayed fingers.

♦◊♦ I Saw Mommy Killing Santa Claus (Underneath Munitions Nouveau Last Night): via Seirei, via Cruore, the Blood Moon!

Call on Line Two:
Crazy Roy Montero, Whose Deals You Can't Believe, very seriously holding the telephone cradle to his ear while the reciever dangles mawkishly.

♦◊♦ Now We Don Our What The Hells Are These, How Do You Even Wear This Apparel: via Seirei, via Great Uncle Moonterro!

Call on Line 3:
Ave Selim, on speaker phone as he deadlifts platinum weights crusted with rhinestones

♦◊♦ Now We Don Our What The Hells Are These, How Do You Even Wear This Apparel: via Sanctum Victoria, via GRANDEUR

Call on Line 4:
IS THAT D'ARTAGNA ON THE PHONE?

♦◊♦ Probably, Definitely More Than Just Five Gold Rings: via Sanctum Victoria, via the Mystery Box!

[The Nottest of Daves]

A Second Delivery from the Royal Post and Parcel Service

"What in Wynda's good name are even these things! I'm gettin' outta here!"

Ave: Beacon-Headed Diving Suit from the Mysterious Depths (Armor, Grand Armor: Lighthouse Armor, Grandeur & Metal & Light & Water, 44,444,444 Gold) +44,000 Melee Attack, +44,000 Defense, +44,000 CON, +44,000 MIN, Wearer gains immunity to Drowning (but not its sub-status effects), Suffocation (but not its sub-status effects), and Voidstruck and Voidstruck: Blackout (but not any other sub-status effects), Wearer may, at the end of any of their actions, choose to deal 80,000 Flat Light Damage to up to two enemies in the same row of a row-order formation in their current Battlespace.

D'Artagna: Terrarium of Horrors (Accessory, Container: Habitat, Mystic & Madness & Terror, 366,666,666 Gold) Wielder gains 3 additional Summon slots that may only contain Bio-Horrors, Horrors, Monsters, Aberrations, Gargantua, or Living Rumors, Summons in those summon slots gain +150,000 to all stats, gain +50,000 to all damage, gain the elements Mystic, Madness, and Terror, and their actions gain '10% may inflict Insanity', with the chance doubled if they are an Aberration, Gargantua, or Living Rumor.

[Aeromage]

Return Call- Kit

"Well...

...I guess you've got spirit, at least.

...

...that's 'spirit' with a lower-case S, not an upper-case one.

Those robe guys get pretty upset if you have the other kind.

...well, the entity-kind, at least.

They're all for the stat-kind.

There's probably a joke to be made there.

...

...well, anyway.

Ordering stuff from the less-desirable holiday destinations among the Moons, I see.

And not even bothering to look at the other worlds on offer...

...let's see how that turns out for you."

Heracles

Nightmare-Tainted Fangs- (Weapon, Fist Weapon: Fang, Darkness & Agony, 6,161,616 Gold) +6,161 Melee Attack, +6,161 STR, +6% Critical Chance, +6% additional Critical Chance against entities wielder has dealt damage to using this weapon, targets that do not possess the elements Darkness & Agony hit by offensive actions involving this weapon must either lose 6% Max HP, become solely Darkness & Agony element, or lose a T1 Element as a debuff that stacks 6 times, with the target automatically becoming Darkness & Agony element if they would lose all elements they possess from this effect, damage dealt by wielder cannot be healed or regenerated by individuals below Level 40


CELERY

Lesser Thunderclap- (Weapon, Force: Lightning, Sonic, 210,000 Gold) +210 Magical Attack, +210 Ranged Attack, Ranged and Magical Attacks involving this weapon repeat once against the same target(s) at the start of the round two rounds after they occur, with the repeated attacks only being repeated if none of their performers other attacks have repeated on said round, with the repeated attacks dealing 1/2 damage


Catrice

Battle-Chant of the Wretched Legion- (Spell, Channeling: Chant, War & Rot & Dust, 1,800 MP, 1,800,000 Gold) For each consecutive round caster casts this spell, caster summons ((Consecutive rounds this spell has been cast)-1, to a maximum of 8) Eroded from the Enemy List that are below Level 20 and possess the element(s) War, Rot, Dust, and/or Blight, maximum 20 summoned


Remalius

Ornate Mandala-Lamp from the Amethyst Road- (Accessory, Decor: Lamp, Grandeur, 4,000,000 Gold) Wielder may choose to create a Zone of Grandeur at the start of each round, wielder gains a bonus MP pool containing 40,000 MP for every Zone of Grandeur present created and controlled by wielder (to a maximum of 440,000 MP) that may not be spend on Overcrashes, wielder may choose at the start of their action to sacrifice up to 4 Zones of Grandeur under their control to remove an equal amount of Zones created by an opponent under Level 40




Return Call- Celas

"Well...

You've got quite a lot of ambition, it seems.

...and one of you is determined to cause headaches.

...not for me, I'm beyond headaches.

I transcended them before I even existed.

Headaches and myself are not even distant public transport acquaintances.

...

...it's probably for the best.

Otherwise watching the boss and that other guy scramble to mash worlds together to make something would have been less entertaining.

Watching meta-meta-dimensional mechanics being whipped up on the fly would probably break you guys' minds, you know?

...by which I mean you guys, not the guy behind the curtain who definitely isn't controlling your every thought and movement.

...

...well, anyway.

Here's what you gained from this side of things."

El

Minor Circlet of the Endless Vista- (Accessory, Jewelry: Crown, Grandeur & Boundless, 27,000,000 Gold) +27,000 MIN, +27,000 SPI, +270,000 MP, wearer's summon caps are increased by 2 for non-unique summons that possess a natural cap of 2 or greater, wearer's summon caps are increased by 20 for non-unique summons that possess a natural cap of 20 or greater


Anathema

The Emerald Muse's Sharp Tongue, Whose Words Cross Moons and Stars- (Weapon, Knife: Bayonet, Steam & Astral, 600,000,000 Gold) +600,000 Melee Attack, +600,000 STR, +600,000 AGI, +6,000,000 MP, this item additional gains the subtype Instrument: Tongue, this item may be equipped as a Weapon x0 if wielder has a Gun equipped and if so converts said Gun's Ranged Attack bonus to a Melee attack bonus, may convert said Gun's Critical Chance to 180%, and grants it the additional text 'Wielder's 'Melee Attack' and 'Attack With Finesse' actions may deal MP Drain, attacks made using this weapon may count as coming from a source that is not wielder that is also a Level 79 Steam & Grandeur & Astral element Mechanichim, Wielder may target entities in a different battlespace that contain a Zone of Moon or Zone of Astral, grants the ability 'Fading Call: Reprimand of the Fifth Heaven''
Fading Call: Reprimand of the Fifth Heaven- +600,000 Melee, Magical or Ranged Attack, target loses the elements Steam and Astral and cannot become those elements or use abilities or attacks which contain those elements, Caster gains a non-stacking buff that provides +30,000 to all stats (with this value instead becoming +60,000 if caster is naturally a Planetary, Heritor, Kami or Mechanichim without taking into account bonuses or effects from this ability or items that grant this ability), this action may count as though coming from a Level 79 Steam & Grandeur & Astral element Mechanichim, Steam & Astral, 600,000 MP

[Aeromage]

Return Call- Pathaky

"Well...

...looks like I'm going to have to dig into the weirder side of things for you guys.

...

...it's not a problem.

Really, it's not.

It's not like there's no current examples to work off and the boss will have to poke the Big Guy about it, or anything.

...

...good thing there's some notes to work off, at any rate.

Youre both kind of handsy, you know?

...so I thought I'd work off that.

...what?

...yes, handsy.

One of them does the handshaking deals thing while being crazy, and the other is crazy about getting all over people.

...don't look at me like that.

I saw that harem you were building.

...and how touchy-feely the Warlock tree gets.

You've only got yourself to blame.

...let's see how this goes."

Roy

Sanguine Whisper- (Weapon, Fist Weapon: Caress, Blood & Hunger, 402,000,000 Gold) +402,000 AGI, +402,000 MIN, +402,000 SPI, +4,020,000 MP, wielder's offensive actions that include this item may deal no damage but have their chances of inflicting Minor status effects increased by 100%, have their chances of inflicting Moderate status effects increased by 50%, and have their chances of inflicting Major status effects increased by 20%; If targeting an entity afflicted with a negative status effect using an offensive action that deals no damage, wielder's offensive actions that include this item that deal no damage that would have a greater than 150% chance of inflicting a Minor or Moderate status effect may instead choose to Inflict that status effect; If targeting an entity afflicted with a negative status effect using an offensive action that deals no damage, wielder's actions that may inflict negative status effects may not be countered by that entity and wielder may choose to stack instances of negative status effects already applied to that entity up to (10 times for Minor Status Effects, 5 times for Moderate Status Effects, 2 times for Major Status Effects)


Crazy Roy

*The Man Who Has The Deals, Man, Deal With It- (Armor, Ward: Framing, Mystery & Knowledge & Commerce, 42,000,000 Gold) +42,000 Defense, +4,200 Defense against Stat Damage, +420,000 Defense against Gold Damage, +42,000 MIN, +42,000 SPI, 40% Resilience, 40% Dodge, Dissolving: Bankrupt Immunity, Burning: Investement Pyre Immunity, Voidstruck: Hole in the Pocket Immunity, Immune to Summons below Level 40, wearer takes 1/4 damage from all opponents of lower level, wearer takes half damage from all other opponents; When wielder would be dealt Damage by an entity, before this Damage-division effect takes place, said entity may choose to purchase an in-stock item of wearer's choice (worth a max of 42,000,000 Gold if not listed in the SWEET DEALS REEL) from the Shop or this item's attached SWEET DEALS REEL as if it were an in-stock/fightable-for-drops item that costs 21,000,000 Gold (or choose to pay (the item's Gold value/2100) from any one stat chosen by wearer, or alternatively (the item's Gold value/4200) from any one stat of the entity's choice) to, for the remainder of this thread as an effect that is attached to this item and does not count as a buff, ignore this damage-halving on a per-entity basis, with this effect being canceled on a per-entity basis if said entity regains any stat points spent in this manner; wearer may allow allies to purchase items in the same manner before their actions even if those actions are not dealing Damage to wearer; wearer may purchase items in the same manner before their actions even if those actions are not dealing Damage to wearer; wearer scans any entity that makes a purchase in this manner as if 20 levels higher and gains '42% Inflicts Mindblasted: Stupefied' against said entities as an effect that is attached to this item and does not count as a buff

Poster of Crazy Roy Wearing Far Too Many Sunglasses and Giving Far Too Many Thumbs Up, Only Two Of Which Are His Own, Above The Caption 'SWEET DEALS FOR REALS'- (Item, Antiquity, Mystery & Knowledge & Commerce & Water, 21,000,000 Gold)

[Aeromage]

Return Call- Gadigan

"Well...

...good to hear from you again.

I see you're spreading your options around...

Really hedging those bets...

...probably literally, in the case of that Vernat-pull.

What with all the hedges it has.

And Resources.

But not bets.

That's for that one other moon only one of those guys has found and nobody's picked up on, yet.

...or at least, they're not letting on to prevent giving the boss the satisfaction.

Absolutely terrible, if true.

Utterly dastardly.

...

...what?

No, that isn't the sound of popcorn being eaten over the line.

You're imagining things.

Really, you're imagining it.

...hey, speaking of changing the subject smoothly.

Looks like you got some stuff.

...you're kind of beyond the concept of levels, so I just pulled it from the range those guys have.

You know, because that's what's easiest to work with.

And because if you decide to throw these at people it'll be easier to integrate.

Not because the boss doesn't want to deal with the headache of making stuff from Higher Reality and the metamechanics-breaking consequences...

...

...oh, I also went fishing in the back garden of that one guy who is also a moon.

Made sure all the glitches got some of the local flavour before putting them on the plate.

...

...well, anyway.

Here's your stuff."

Flowing Revelation- (Weapon, Staff: Magestaff, Flux & Waterial, 38,000,000 Gold) +38,000 Magical Attack, +38,000 MIN, +38,000 SPI, wielder regenerates 380,000 MP at the start of each round, wielder may, upon using an action that involves casting a Spell, choose to convert its Subtype to (any Subtype caster possesses a Classname-tier ability for in its related ability tree) and/or Liquid Magic, and may choose to convert its Elements to become solely any combination of Flux, Waterial and/or Water, with said action gaining an additional +38,000 Magical Attack and creating a Zone of Waterial if wielder chose one of the aforementioned conversion-options


Through Name And Form Of Verdant Green, I Call Your Power Here- (Spell, Wizard Magic: Blue Magic, Earth & Wood & Life & Good, 600,000 MP, 600,000,000 Gold) Caster replicates one action performable by an entity that is of a Subtype of the grouping Planar (Harmony/Balance/Dissonance, Benevolence), Planar (Balance, Neutrality) or Terrestrial (Wildlife), or possesses one or more of the elements Earth, Wood, Life and/or Good, that is from the Enemy List that is non-Elite, below Level 90, and can normally be fought for drops


Eversive Mind-Lenses- (Accessory, Jewelery: Eyewear, Psychic & Malice, 62,161,260 Gold) Wearer may choose for any of wearer's Psychic-element Pets or Summons, at the time of entry into the thread, to gain the Subtype Mindshadow and gain +62,161 MIN as a non-stacking buff; possessor may, so long as no individual of higher Level or that is Level 100 or greater objects, spend an action to change this item's name to 'Destructive Mental Lens', set the status of the Imaginary Element 'Negative-Reality-Demonic' to Manifested, change this item's element to 'Negative-Reality-Demonic', and its text to 'Wearer may choose for any of wearer's Psychic-element Mindshadow Pets or Summons to gain or solely become the subtype Malice Entity and the elements Malice & Negative-Reality-Demonic, wearer may choose for wearer's Malice & Negative-Reality-Demonic element Malice Entity Pets and Summons to gain 'may heal' and 'may be used as a counter' to one of their abilities, with this choice being made on a per-entity basis'


Goldmirror Cuckoo Clock- (Item, Antiquity, Null & Mystery, 25,000,000,000 Gold) This item counts as possessing an element called 'Ornate Moon'


Blue (If Gadigan Is Normations Having A Randonnian)- (Accessory, Symbol: Seal, Null & Mystery, 681,000,000 Gold) +12,000,000 CON, 40% Physical Resistance, 15% Throwing Weapon: Orb weapons equipped by wearer gain a copy of all enhancements placed on this item, wearer deals 1/2 MIN damage when targeting themself, wearer's actions gain 160% To Hit, +65% Dodge, and count as involving 36,000,000 additional Gold, wearer may choose to gain an additional Point or Phantom Terrain at the start of every round if they possess any Points, wearer may choose to be equipped by individuals of Level 40 or greater or to change any individual of Level 40 or greater's name to 'Voidsteel Drillface -> The Water & Destruction', wearer may choose for all Technology-element War Machine Transformations in battle to gain a copy of an Accessory named 'Healing Shoes' which is a Darkness & Light element Light Garb: Gloves with a value of 150,000 Gold that provides +30 Fame if they cannot inflict Charm