Realm of Gadigan

This is a thread that will contain items that have tables that need to be rolled on.

Office Holiday Gift Box

When opening a box, first roll to determine the number of items it contains-
5% 0
75% 1
10% 2
5% 3
5% 1 + Reroll and add the value of the next roll to this (to a max of 80 gifts in a box if you somehow get this roll that many times)

Then determine the quality of each item-

95% Common
4% Uncommon
1% Rare

Then determine the items from the following tables-

Common
1% Very Well Preserved Slab of Bacon- (Consumable, Food, Fire & Ice, 1 Charge, 6,000 Gold) +50 Damage to next 5 attacks made by user’s pets and summons
1% Music CD- (Item, Antiquity, Technology, 60 Gold)
1% Small Booklet of Lyrics that Would Be Included in a CD Jewel Case- (Item, Antiquity, Air, 40 Gold)
1% CD Rack- (Item, Antiquity, Technology, 6,000 Gold)
1% Softball Bat- (Weapon, Mace, Physical, 400 Gold) +4 Melee Attack
1% Office Softball League T-Shirt- (Armorx.5, Clothes, Air & Water, 120 Gold) +5 Defense, +12 AGI
1% Softball- (Item, Antiquity, Air & Physical, 70 Gold)
1% Lipstick- (Item, Antiquity, Technology, 300 Gold)
1% Pack of Ram Sticks- (Item, Antiquity, Technology, 6,000 Gold)
1% Old Laptop Computer- (Item, Antiquity, Technology, 6,000 Gold)
1% Chain of Paperclips- (Item, Antiquity, Technology, 40 Gold)
1% Volleyball- (Item, Antiquity, Physical, 200 Gold)
1% Golf Ball- (Item, Antiquity, Physical, 40 Gold)
1% Box of Tissues- (Item, Antiquity, Physical & Air, 90 Gold)
1% Key Ring- (Item, Antiquity, Physical, 60 Gold)
1% Boxed Rice- (Consumable, Food, Physical, 4 Charges, 290 Gold) Heals 40 HP
1% Casserole Dish- (Item, Antiquity, Technology & Fire, 1,200 Gold)
1% Tiny See-Through Plastic Magnetized Box Containing Silver Colored Paperclips- (Item, Antiquity, Technology, 500 Gold)
1% Tiny See-Through Plastic Magnetized Box Containing Lime Colored Paperclips- (Item, Antiquity, Acid, 500 Gold)
1% Tiny See-Through Plastic Magnetized Box Containing Mustard Colored Paperclips- (Item, Antiquity, Acid, 600 Gold)
1% Tiny See-Through Plastic Magnetized Box Containing Assorted Varieties of Red Colored Paperclips- (Item, Antiquity, Fire & Technology, 700 Gold)
1% Stew Mix- (Consumable, Food, Water, 1 Charge, 300 Gold) 1% Water Resistance
1% Soup Mix- (Consumable, Food, Water, 1 Charge, 300 Gold) 1% Water Resistance
1% Stick of Butter- (Consumable, Food, Water, 1 Charge, 300 Gold) +5 CON -8 dropped
1% 500 Styrofoam Coffee Cups- (Item, Antiquity, Water & Fire, 400 Gold)
1% Ordinary Candle- (Item, Antiquity, Light, 15 Gold)
1% Reed Rug- (Item, Antiquity, Water, 300 Gold)
1% Photos of Boring Landmarks- (Item, Antiquity, Air & Earth, 80 Gold)
1% Old Vase *2*- (Item, Antiquity, Earth, 2,000 Gold)
1% Floosh Powder- (Item, Antiquity, Magic, 10 Gold)
1% Box of Dog Food- (Consumable, Food, Earth & Physical, 20 Charges, 300 Gold) Heals target Animal for 50 HP
1% Box of Cat Food- (Consumable, Food, Earth & Physical, 20 Charges, 300 Gold) Heals target Animal for 50 HP
1% Bag of Dog Food- (Consumable, Food, Earth & Physical, 30 Charges, 500 Gold) Heals target Animal for 50 HP
1% Pants- (Armorx.5, Clothes, Physical, 100 Gold) +1 Defense
1% Shirt- (Armorx.5, Clothes, Air, 100 Gold) +1 Defense
1% Depressing Paperwork- (Consumable, Lethal Item, Darkness & Psychic, 1 Charge, 4,000 Gold) 20% inflicts Depression
1% Wasabi Paste- (Consumable, Food, Fire, 1 Charge, 500 Gold) +15 STR
1% Artillicas Botanica Stationary- (Item, Antiquity, Technology, 500 Gold)
1% Basic Grill- (Item, Antiquity, Fire & Technology, 14,000 Gold)
1% Collectable Magic Topiary- (Item, Antiquity, Earth, 700 Gold)
1% Doctor Roberts's Guide to Trees- (Item, Antiquity, Earth, 300 Gold)
1% Ancient Book of Lore- (Item, Antiquity, Magic, 7,000 Gold)
1% Mustard- (Consumable, Food, Fire, 1 Charge, 300 Gold) +5 MIN
1% Olive Oil- (Consumable, Drink, Water & Light, 1 Charge, 300 Gold) +5 MP
1% Desert Dew Flower- (Consumable, Medicine, Water, 1 Charge, 2,600 Gold) +20 HP, 35% Cures Fatigue: Dehydration
1% Doc James's Painkiller Pills- (Consumable, Medicine, Light, 1 Charge Remaining, 50 Gold) +200 HP -2 dropped
1% Empty Wine Bottle- (Item, Antiquity, Water, 20 Gold)
1% Grapes- (Consumable, Food, Acid & Water & Darkness, 1 Charge, 300 Gold) +15 Damage for Water element attacks
1% Wine- (Consumable, Drink, Water, 1 Charge, 600 Gold) +20 MP, Heals 400 MP, 15% Inflicts Drunkenness
1% Pack of Cigarettes- (Consumable, Lethal Item, Fire, 20 Charges, 500 Gold) +5% to Hit, 15% cures Confusion, 5% inflicts Poison, 5% inflicts Discomfort, lasts 5 rounds, does not stack -15 dropped
1% Egg Beater- (Item, Antiquity, Technology, 600 Gold)
1% Ice Cube Tray- (Item, Antiquity, Ice, 200 Gold)
1% Cheap Bubble-Blowing One Inch Bubble Wand- (Weapon, Wand, Water, 900 Gold) +1 Magical Attack, 50% deals no damage
1% Backpack- (Item, Antiquity, Technology & Water, 600 Gold)
1% Pink Child’s Backpack- (Item, Antiquity, Technology & Water & Light, 600 Gold)
1% Empty Box- (Accessory, Container, Technology & Physical, 400 Gold) Possessor gains 1 Consumable slot
1% Codpiece- (Accessory, Container, Physical, 400 Gold) 3% Resilience
1% Running Shoes- (Accessory, Shoes, Physical, 900 Gold) +20 AGI
1% Sneakers- (Accessory, Shoes, Physical, 700 Gold) +2 Defense, +8 AGI on first turn
1% Dental Floss- (Item, Antiquity, Physical & Light & Air & Technology, 60 Gold)
1% Brand New Mouse- (Item, Antiquity, Technology, 700 Gold)
1% Subwoofer- (Item, Antiquity, Technology, 8,000 Gold)
1% Power Cord- (Item, Antiquity, Technology, 400 Gold)
1% Extension Cord- (Item, Antiquity, Technology, 600 Gold)
1% Video Game Binder- (Item, Antiquity, Technology, 600 Gold)
1% Pack of Trading Cards- (Item, Antiquity, Air, 300 Gold)
1% Large Eraser- (Item, Antiquity, Technology, 200 Gold)
1% Bag of Empty Soda Bottles- (Item, Antiquity, Technology, 180 Gold)
1% Video Game Controller- (Item, Antiquity, Technology, 900 Gold)
1% Video Game Cartridge- (Item, Antiquity, Technology, 1,900 Gold)
1% Video Game Disc- (Item, Antiquity, Technology, 2,500 Gold)
1% Stapler- (Weapon, Tool, Technology, 5,000 Gold) +5 Attack, All damage against foes who have stolen your Stapler is multiplied by 10 and has a 95% chance of inflicting Burning if you so desire -2 dropped
1% Hockey Stick- (Weaponx2, Polearm, Ice & Physical, 600 Gold) +5 Melee Attack -5 dropped
1% Football- (Item, Antiquity, Physical, 200 Gold) -14 dropped
1% Soccer Ball- (Item, Antiquity, Physical, 214 Gold)
1% Soccer Ball (2)- (Consumable, Lethal Item, Physical, 1 Charge, 400 Gold) 200 Physical Damage, 5% inflicts Stun
1% Platter- (Item, Antiquity, Physical, 600 Gold)
1% Shorts- (Armorx.5, Clothing, Physical & Air, 150 Gold) +1 Defense, +1 AGI
1% Tropical Shirt- (Armorx.5, Clothing, Water & Air & Fire & Light, 600 Gold) +4 Defense, 5% Water Resistance, 5% Fire Resistance, 5% Chaos Resistance -5 dropped
1% Goose Meat- (Consumable, Food, Air, 3 Charges, 900 Gold) Heals 400 HP, +15 AGI -16 dropped
1% Pack of Children’s Stickers- (Item, Antiquity, Light & Technology, 300 Gold)
1% Carved Pumpkin- (Item, Antiquity, Light & Darkness, 4,000 Gold)
1% Brand New Lipstick- (Item, Antiquity, Technology & Fire & Air & Water, 600 Gold)
1% Poster of an Imposing Frog- (Item, Antiquity, Water, 8,000 Gold)
1% Taystee-Mints Obtained From an Unopened Office Holiday Giftbox- (Consumable, Food, Air & Ice, 80 Charges, 120 Gold) +15 HP, 5% cures Depression, 1% inflicts Depression because you realize that somone gave you cheap mints in a gift box (occurs before curing roll)
1% Empty Bottle of Eyedrops- (Item, Antiquity, Air, 30 Gold)
1% Pack of Low-Quality Licoriche- (Consumable, Food, Darkness & Air, 4 charges, 70 Gold) +7 HP, 1% does not work
1% Balvorian Aged Wine- (Consumable, Drink, Water, 1 Charge, 700 Gold) +2 CON, +2 MIN, 3% Inflicts Drunkenness
1% Fake Potted Plant- (Item, Antiquity, Earth & Technology, 575 Gold)
1% Book of Stamps- (Item, Antiquity, Air, 200 Gold)
1% Chair Pillow- (Item, Antiquity, Earth, 200 Gold)
1% Cats and Moose of the World Calendar (Outdated by 3 Years)- (Item, Antiquity, Earth & Technology, 100 Gold)
1% Kazoo that Doesn't Work Right Anymore- (Weapon, Instrument, Air, 25 Gold) +0 Magical Attack
1% Rumpled Ball of Tissue Paper- (Item, Antiquity, Light, 60 Gold)
1% Dented Coffee Pot- (Item, Antiquity, Water & Technology & Earth, 80 Gold)
1% Picture of a Depressed Dog- (Item, Antiquity, Air & Darkness, 40 Gold)
1% Basic Cooking Implements- (Item, Antiquity, 4,000 Gold)
1% Potted Plant- (Item, Antiquity, Earth, 600 Gold)
1% Chewing Gum- (Consumable, Food, Technology & Air, 1 Charge, 250 Gold) +25 HP, +25 MP, Item's effect repeats itself for 5 rounds
1% Earplugs- (Accessory, Gadget, Air, 600 Gold) 5% Defened Resistance -6 dropped

Uncommon
5% Video Game Console- (Item, Antiquity, Technology, 7,000 Gold)
5% Portable Video Game Console- (Item, Antiquity, Technology, 4,000 Gold)
5% Large Platter- (Item, Antiquity, Physical, 9,000 Gold)
5% Pressure Cooker- (Item, Antiquity, Technology & Fire & Water, 9,000 Gold)
5% Router- (Item, Antiquity, Technology, 3,000 Gold)
4% Fax Machine- (Item, Antiquity, Technology, 5,000 Gold)
1% Thesaline Eyedrops- (Consumable, Medicine, Light, 2 Charges, 6,000 Gold) 29% Cures Blindness -2 dropped
1% Trenchcoat- (Armor, Clothing, Technology, 17,000 Gold) +15 Defense, +60 additional Defense for each Gun equipped to a max of 200 Guns
1% Box of Tissues with Cute Drawings of Monkeys and Banannas on It- (Item, Antiquity, Earth & Light, 160 Gold)
1% Large Folio of Maps- (Item, Antiquity, Water & Earth & Air, 6,000 Gold)
1% Computer Speakers- (Item, Antiquity, Technology, 2,000 Gold)
1% Racy Lingerie- (Armor, Clothes, Darkness, 900 Gold) +1 Defense, 1% Provides no Defense when attacked, Possessor’s attacks that have a chance of inflicting Charm have a 1% greater chance of doing so
1% Backpack (2)- (Accessory, Container, Technology & Water, 1,500 Gold) Possessor gains 1 Consumable slot
1% Rolled-Up Newspaper- (Weapon, Mace, Earth, 200 Gold) +2 Melee Attack, 1% inflicts Confusion, 5% does not damage
1% A Huge Grill Shaped Like an Egg- (Item, Antiquity, Fire, 65,000 Gold)
1% Stereo Whose Only Mode is “Too Loud”- (Accessory, Gadget, Technology, 40,000 Gold) 1% inflicts Deafened on 3 targets each turn
1% Softball Signed By Some Guy You Don't Recognize- (Item, Antiquity, Technology & Air & Physical, 6,000 Gold)
1% Impressively Long Shoes- (Accessory, Shoes, Technology & Air & Earth, 4,000 Gold) +15 Defense, +15 AGI, +3% Critical if no weapon slots are filled, -1% Dodge
1% Lady’s Anklet- (Item, Antiquity, Light, 900 Gold)
1% Fine Dinnerware- (Item, Antiquity, Magic, 27,000 Gold)
1% Photo of a Smug-Looking Chef with an Illegible Autograph- (Item, Antiquity, Physical & Water, 600 Gold)
1% Mage Iron Golf Club- (Weaponx2, Tool, Magic & Physical, 75,000 Gold) +79 Melee Attack, +84 Magical Attack, 5% inflicts Deafened when a Melee attack deals damage -2 dropped
1% Tiny See-Through Plastic Magnetized Box Containing Assorted Varieties of Purple Colored Paperclips- (Item, Antiquity, Magic & Technology, 700 Gold)
1% Tiny See-Through Plastic Magnetized Box Containing Blood Crimson Colored Paperclips- (Item, Antiquity, Fire, 600 Gold)
1% Tiny See-Through Plastic Magnetized Box Containing Sky Blue Colored Paperclips- (Item, Antiquity, Air, 500 Gold)
1% Tiny See-Through Plastic Magnetized Box Containing Sea Green Colored Paperclips- (Item, Antiquity, Water, 500 Gold)
1% Tiny See-Through Plastic Magnetized Box Containing Swamp Muck Colored Paperclips- (Item, Antiquity, Acid, 500 Gold)
1% Tiny See-Through Plastic Magnetized Box Containing Pink Colored Paperclips- (Item, Antiquity, Light, 500 Gold)
1% Tiny See-Through Plastic Magnetized Box Containing Glowing Colored Paperclips- (Item, Antiquity, Light, 1,100 Gold)
1% Tiny See-Through Plastic Magnetized Box Containing Glow-In-The-Dark Paperclips- (Item, Antiquity, Light & Darkness, 600 Gold)
1% Tiny See-Through Plastic Magnetized Box Containing Pine Green Colored Paperclips- (Item, Antiquity, Earth, 700 Gold)
1% Tiny See-Through Plastic Magnetized Box Containing Lemon Yellow Colored Paperclips- (Item, Antiquity, Light, 500 Gold)
1% Tiny See-Through Plastic Magnetized Box Containing Gray Colored Paperclips- (Item, Antiquity, Air, 500 Gold)
1% Tiny See-Through Plastic Magnetized Box Containing Slate Colored Paperclips- (Item, Antiquity, Earth & Physical, 500 Gold)
1% Tiny See-Through Plastic Magnetized Box Containing Jet Black Colored Paperclips- (Item, Antiquity, Darkness, 700 Gold)
1% Tiny, Plastic, Smoking Duck- (Item, Antiquity, Fire & Water & Darkness, 60 Gold)
1% New Printer- (Item, Antiquity, Technology, 14,500 Gold)
1% Lime Green Potion- (Consumable, Potion, Magic, 1 Charge, 1,200 Gold) +200 HP-only Defense against acid, lasts 3 turns
1% Bascaradine Lime Green Flyswatter: Third Revised Version- (Weapon, Tool, Air, 7,000 Gold) +3 Melee Attack, Criticals do x5 damage against Insects
1% Plastic Palm Tree- (Item, Antiquity, Earth & Water, 15,000 Gold)
1% Undead Zombie Puppy- (Pet, Undead, Darkness, Lv.1, 45,000 Gold)
HP- 95
MP- 56
STR- 22
AGI- 21
CON- 16
MIN- 11
SPI- 13
XP- 0
XP Needed- 1,000
Defense- 10, +10 against Darkness
Defense against Stat Damage- 0
Critical Change- 1%
Resilience- 0%
To Hit- 99%
Dodge- 0%
Resistances and Immunities- None
Prime Attribute- Strength
Constant Effects-
Harvestable Corpse- Possessor may at any time change this item to the item Dead Zombie Puppy, Transmutable Trait
Abilities-
Bite- 15 Damage, Physical, 0 MP
Moaning Howl- 1% inflicts Fear, Darkness & Physical, 14 MP
Necrosis Cuddle- 110 Damage, Heals Undead, Darkness, 25 MP
1% Speakers- (Item, Antiquity, Technology, 15,000 Gold)
1% Money Box- (Item, Antiquity, Physical, 4,000 Gold)
1% Terrarium- (Item, Antiquity, Technology & Fire & Water & Earth, 14,000 Gold)
1% Pirate Clothes- (Armor, Clothes, Water, 14,000 Gold) +19 Defense, 5% Water Resistance, +20 Melee Attack if a Sword is equipped, +20 Ranged Attack if a Gun is equipped
1% Photo Guide 15: “Mines of the World”- (Item, Antiquity, Technology, 900 Gold)
1% Soda Machine- (Item, Antiquity, Technology, 60,000 Gold)
1% Snack Machine- (Item, Antiquity, Technology, 60,000 Gold)
1% Statue of a Monkey With a Cigarette- (Item, Antiquity, Fire & Earth, 20,000 Gold)
1% Wigmaker’s Kit- (Item, Antiquity, Air, 17,000 Gold)
1% Pompous Wig- (Accessory, Hat, Light & Air, 25,000 Gold) +50 to all stats if at least two of possessor’s stats are higher than said stats on all enemies, -50 to all stats otherwise
1% Fancy Pants- (Armorx.5, Clothes, Magic & Air, 60,000 Gold) +35 Defense, +1% Gold dropped from battles, 5% resists theft or destruction of items caused by individuals of lower level than wearer, 1% inflicts Charm on each foe at the beginning of battle
1% Basic Wine Press- (Item, Antiquity, Technology & Water, 12,000 Gold)
So, You Want to Ride a Horse but Can't Figure it Out? (You Idiot.)- (Item, Antiquity, Air, 130 Gold)
1% Black Potion- (Consumable, Potion, Darkness, 1 Charge, 4,000 Gold) For the next round, Darkness attacks doing under 400,000 damage heal this item’s user for 10% of their damage
1% Fancy Necktie- (Accessory, Amulet, Technology, 45,000 Gold) +5 Defense
1% Gray Tuesday Wine- (Consumable, Drink, Water, 1 Charge, 100 Gold) +2 CON, 6% Inflicts Drunkenness -3 dropped
1% Orange Porcelain Lamp with Shifting Designs- (Item, Antiquity, Fire & Electrical, 60,000 Gold)
1% Excellent Set of Gold Clubs- (Item, Antiquity, Technology & Physical, 97,000 Gold)
1% Enameled Whalebone Hairbrush- (Item, Antiquity, Water, 7,000 Gold)
1% Green Porcelain Lamp with Shifting Designs- (Item, Antiquity, Earth & Electrical, 60,000 Gold)
1% Enchant Weapon: Bird-Slaying- (Spell, Enchantment, Magic, 30 MP, 80,000 Gold) Gives target weapon the permanent Enchantment Bird-Slaying, costs 1,000 XP and 5,000 Gold
1% Shiny Prism- (Accessory, Crystal, Magic, 5,000 Gold) +5 to all stats
1% Bascaradine Brand Pumpkin Carving Tools- (Item, Antiquity, Technology & Earth, 7,000 Gold)
1% Clam-Shell Hand Mirror- (Item, Antiquity, Water & Earth, 900 Gold)
1% 5 Pretty Dresses in a Box- (Item, Antiquity, Earth & Air, 15,000 Gold)
1% Amazingly Loud Tropical Shirt- (Armorx.5, Clothing, Water & Air & Fire & Light, 17,000 Gold) +45 Defense, 5% Dodge, 5% Water Resistance, 5% Fire Resistance, 5% Chaos Resistance
1% Laptop Computer- (Item, Antiquity, Technology, 16,000 Gold)
1% Talisman of DEF Drain- (Consumable, Enchanted Item, Magic, 1 Charge, 30,000 Gold) 5% Inflicts DEF Drain -15 dropped


Rare
21% Business in a Nutshell- (Item, Antiquity, Technology, 500 Gold)
11% Office Necromancy for Everyday Use- (Item, Antiquity, Darkness & Technology, 7,000 Gold)
11% How to Improve Your Profits Through the Undead- (Item, Antiquity, Darkness & Technology, 15,000 Gold)
11% How to Use Fell Contracts for Business Success- (Item, Antiquity, Darkness & Fire, 16,000 Gold)
11% The Success Secrets of the Daemon Businesses of the Dusk Realm- (Item, Antiquity, Darkness, 20,000 Gold)
6% Magic Blade of Flame- (Weapon, Sword, Magic & Fire, 30,000 Gold) +60 Magical Attack
6% Magic Blade of Frost- (Weapon, Sword, Magic & Ice, 30,000 Gold) +60 Magical Attack
6% Magic Blade of Thunder- (Weapon, Sword, Magic & Electrical, 30,000 Gold) +60 Magical Attack
2% Witch Child’s Hat- (Accessory, Hat, Darkness & Magic, 78,000 Gold) +52 Defense, +45 Magical Attack, +60 additional Magical Attack to Dark Magic spells, which cost wearer 30 MP less, 5% Dodge
2% Cyanide-Filled Sandwich- (Consumable, Food, Acid & Darkness, 17,000 Gold) Inflicts Poison, This Poison cannot be cured by individuals under level 5 using spells or abilities or by items worth under 10,000 Gold, This Poison only has a 1% chance of wearing off
2% Blazing Staple Gun of Power- (Weapon, Gun, Technology & Fire, 65,000 Gold) +75 Ranged Attack, 5% inflicts Pain on hit, +45 STR
2% Flaming Sword- (Weapon, Sword, Fire, 27,000 Gold) +35 Magical Attack, +300 additional Fire element damage on hit
2% Blade of Slashing- (Weapon, Sword, Physical, 20,000 Gold) +47 Melee Attack
1% Almost Vorpal Yoyo of Sorta-Kinda Soul Sucking- (Weapon, Other: Yoyo, Magic & Darkness, 3,000 Gold) +15 Melee Attack, +3 Magical Attack, +1% Critical, Heals 1 Damage on Hit
1% Building a Necromantic Daemon Artifact Engine to Help Your Business in 15,000,000 Difficult Steps, and Why Doing So Is Worth It- (Item, Antiquity, Technology & Darkness, 470,000 Gold)

Simplified Version, Courtesy of Geddoe wrote:When opening a box, first roll to determine the number of items it contains-
0-5% 0
6-80% 1
81-90% 2
91-95% 3
96-100% 1 + Reroll and add the value of the next roll to this (to a max of 80 gifts in a box if you somehow get this roll that many times)

Then determine the quality of each item-

1-95% Common
96-99% Uncommon
100% Rare

Then determine the items from the following tables-

Common
1% Very Well Preserved Slab of Bacon- (Consumable, Food, Fire & Ice, 1 Charge, 6,000 Gold) +50 Damage to next 5 attacks made by user’s pets and summons
2% Music CD- (Item, Antiquity, Technology, 60 Gold)
3% Small Booklet of Lyrics that Would Be Included in a CD Jewel Case- (Item, Antiquity, Air, 40 Gold)
4% CD Rack- (Item, Antiquity, Technology, 6,000 Gold)
5% Softball Bat- (Weapon, Mace, Physical, 400 Gold) +4 Melee Attack
6% Office Softball League T-Shirt- (Armorx.5, Clothes, Air & Water, 120 Gold) +5 Defense, +12 AGI
7% Softball- (Item, Antiquity, Air & Physical, 70 Gold)
8% Lipstick- (Item, Antiquity, Technology, 300 Gold)
9% Pack of Ram Sticks- (Item, Antiquity, Technology, 6,000 Gold)
10% Old Laptop Computer- (Item, Antiquity, Technology, 6,000 Gold)
11% Chain of Paperclips- (Item, Antiquity, Technology, 40 Gold)
12% Volleyball- (Item, Antiquity, Physical, 200 Gold)
13% Golf Ball- (Item, Antiquity, Physical, 40 Gold)
14% Box of Tissues- (Item, Antiquity, Physical & Air, 90 Gold)
15% Key Ring- (Item, Antiquity, Physical, 60 Gold)
16% Boxed Rice- (Consumable, Food, Physical, 4 Charges, 290 Gold) Heals 40 HP
17% Casserole Dish- (Item, Antiquity, Technology & Fire, 1,200 Gold)
18% Tiny See-Through Plastic Magnetized Box Containing Silver Colored Paperclips- (Item, Antiquity, Technology, 500 Gold)
19% Tiny See-Through Plastic Magnetized Box Containing Lime Colored Paperclips- (Item, Antiquity, Acid, 500 Gold)
20% Tiny See-Through Plastic Magnetized Box Containing Mustard Colored Paperclips- (Item, Antiquity, Acid, 600 Gold)
21% Tiny See-Through Plastic Magnetized Box Containing Assorted Varieties of Red Colored Paperclips- (Item, Antiquity, Fire & Technology, 700 Gold)
22% Stew Mix- (Consumable, Food, Water, 1 Charge, 300 Gold) 1% Water Resistance
23% Soup Mix- (Consumable, Food, Water, 1 Charge, 300 Gold) 1% Water Resistance
24% Stick of Butter- (Consumable, Food, Water, 1 Charge, 300 Gold) +5 CON -8 dropped
25% 500 Styrofoam Coffee Cups- (Item, Antiquity, Water & Fire, 400 Gold)
26% Ordinary Candle- (Item, Antiquity, Light, 15 Gold)
27% Reed Rug- (Item, Antiquity, Water, 300 Gold)
28% Photos of Boring Landmarks- (Item, Antiquity, Air & Earth, 80 Gold)
29% Old Vase *2*- (Item, Antiquity, Earth, 2,000 Gold)
30% Floosh Powder- (Item, Antiquity, Magic, 10 Gold)
31% Box of Dog Food- (Consumable, Food, Earth & Physical, 20 Charges, 300 Gold) Heals target Animal for 50 HP
32% Box of Cat Food- (Consumable, Food, Earth & Physical, 20 Charges, 300 Gold) Heals target Animal for 50 HP
33% Bag of Dog Food- (Consumable, Food, Earth & Physical, 30 Charges, 500 Gold) Heals target Animal for 50 HP
34% Pants- (Armorx.5, Clothes, Physical, 100 Gold) +1 Defense
35% Shirt- (Armorx.5, Clothes, Air, 100 Gold) +1 Defense
36% Depressing Paperwork- (Consumable, Lethal Item, Darkness & Psychic, 1 Charge, 4,000 Gold) 20% inflicts Depression
37% Wasabi Paste- (Consumable, Food, Fire, 1 Charge, 500 Gold) +15 STR
38% Artillicas Botanica Stationary- (Item, Antiquity, Technology, 500 Gold)
39% Basic Grill- (Item, Antiquity, Fire & Technology, 14,000 Gold)
40% Collectable Magic Topiary- (Item, Antiquity, Earth, 700 Gold)
41% Doctor Roberts's Guide to Trees- (Item, Antiquity, Earth, 300 Gold)
42% Ancient Book of Lore- (Item, Antiquity, Magic, 7,000 Gold)
43% Mustard- (Consumable, Food, Fire, 1 Charge, 300 Gold) +5 MIN
44% Olive Oil- (Consumable, Drink, Water & Light, 1 Charge, 300 Gold) +5 MP
45% Desert Dew Flower- (Consumable, Medicine, Water, 1 Charge, 2,600 Gold) +20 HP, 35% Cures Fatigue: Dehydration
46% Doc James's Painkiller Pills- (Consumable, Medicine, Light, 1 Charge Remaining, 50 Gold) +200 HP -2 dropped
47% Empty Wine Bottle- (Item, Antiquity, Water, 20 Gold)
48% Grapes- (Consumable, Food, Acid & Water & Darkness, 1 Charge, 300 Gold) +15 Damage for Water element attacks
49% Wine- (Consumable, Drink, Water, 1 Charge, 600 Gold) +20 MP, Heals 400 MP, 15% Inflicts Drunkenness
50% Pack of Cigarettes- (Consumable, Lethal Item, Fire, 20 Charges, 500 Gold) +5% to Hit, 15% cures Confusion, 5% inflicts Poison, 5% inflicts Discomfort, lasts 5 rounds, does not stack -15 dropped
51% Egg Beater- (Item, Antiquity, Technology, 600 Gold)
52% Ice Cube Tray- (Item, Antiquity, Ice, 200 Gold)
53% Cheap Bubble-Blowing One Inch Bubble Wand- (Weapon, Wand, Water, 900 Gold) +1 Magical Attack, 50% deals no damage
54% Backpack- (Item, Antiquity, Technology & Water, 600 Gold)
55% Pink Child’s Backpack- (Item, Antiquity, Technology & Water & Light, 600 Gold)
56% Empty Box- (Accessory, Container, Technology & Physical, 400 Gold) Possessor gains 1 Consumable slot
57% Codpiece- (Accessory, Container, Physical, 400 Gold) 3% Resilience
58% Running Shoes- (Accessory, Shoes, Physical, 900 Gold) +20 AGI
59% Sneakers- (Accessory, Shoes, Physical, 700 Gold) +2 Defense, +8 AGI on first turn
60% Dental Floss- (Item, Antiquity, Physical & Light & Air & Technology, 60 Gold)
61% Brand New Mouse- (Item, Antiquity, Technology, 700 Gold)
62% Subwoofer- (Item, Antiquity, Technology, 8,000 Gold)
63% Power Cord- (Item, Antiquity, Technology, 400 Gold)
64% Extension Cord- (Item, Antiquity, Technology, 600 Gold)
65% Video Game Binder- (Item, Antiquity, Technology, 600 Gold)
66% Pack of Trading Cards- (Item, Antiquity, Air, 300 Gold)
67% Large Eraser- (Item, Antiquity, Technology, 200 Gold)
68% Bag of Empty Soda Bottles- (Item, Antiquity, Technology, 180 Gold)
69% Video Game Controller- (Item, Antiquity, Technology, 900 Gold)
70% Video Game Cartridge- (Item, Antiquity, Technology, 1,900 Gold)
71% Video Game Disc- (Item, Antiquity, Technology, 2,500 Gold)
72% Stapler- (Weapon, Tool, Technology, 5,000 Gold) +5 Attack, All damage against foes who have stolen your Stapler is multiplied by 10 and has a 95% chance of inflicting Burning if you so desire -2 dropped
73% Hockey Stick- (Weaponx2, Polearm, Ice & Physical, 600 Gold) +5 Melee Attack -5 dropped
74% Football- (Item, Antiquity, Physical, 200 Gold) -14 dropped
75% Soccer Ball- (Item, Antiquity, Physical, 214 Gold)
76% Soccer Ball (2)- (Consumable, Lethal Item, Physical, 1 Charge, 400 Gold) 200 Physical Damage, 5% inflicts Stun
77% Platter- (Item, Antiquity, Physical, 600 Gold)
78% Shorts- (Armorx.5, Clothing, Physical & Air, 150 Gold) +1 Defense, +1 AGI
79% Tropical Shirt- (Armorx.5, Clothing, Water & Air & Fire & Light, 600 Gold) +4 Defense, 5% Water Resistance, 5% Fire Resistance, 5% Chaos Resistance -5 dropped
80% Goose Meat- (Consumable, Food, Air, 3 Charges, 900 Gold) Heals 400 HP, +15 AGI -16 dropped
81% Pack of Children’s Stickers- (Item, Antiquity, Light & Technology, 300 Gold)
82% Carved Pumpkin- (Item, Antiquity, Light & Darkness, 4,000 Gold)
83% Brand New Lipstick- (Item, Antiquity, Technology & Fire & Air & Water, 600 Gold)
84% Poster of an Imposing Frog- (Item, Antiquity, Water, 8,000 Gold)
85% Taystee-Mints Obtained From an Unopened Office Holiday Giftbox- (Consumable, Food, Air & Ice, 80 Charges, 120 Gold) +15 HP, 5% cures Depression, 1% inflicts Depression because you realize that somone gave you cheap mints in a gift box (occurs before curing roll)
86% Empty Bottle of Eyedrops- (Item, Antiquity, Air, 30 Gold)
87% Pack of Low-Quality Licoriche- (Consumable, Food, Darkness & Air, 4 charges, 70 Gold) +7 HP, 1% does not work
88% Balvorian Aged Wine- (Consumable, Drink, Water, 1 Charge, 700 Gold) +2 CON, +2 MIN, 3% Inflicts Drunkenness
89% Fake Potted Plant- (Item, Antiquity, Earth & Technology, 575 Gold)
90% Book of Stamps- (Item, Antiquity, Air, 200 Gold)
91% Chair Pillow- (Item, Antiquity, Earth, 200 Gold)
92% Cats and Moose of the World Calendar (Outdated by 3 Years)- (Item, Antiquity, Earth & Technology, 100 Gold)
93% Kazoo that Doesn't Work Right Anymore- (Weapon, Instrument, Air, 25 Gold) +0 Magical Attack
94% Rumpled Ball of Tissue Paper- (Item, Antiquity, Light, 60 Gold)
95% Dented Coffee Pot- (Item, Antiquity, Water & Technology & Earth, 80 Gold)
96% Picture of a Depressed Dog- (Item, Antiquity, Air & Darkness, 40 Gold)
97% Basic Cooking Implements- (Item, Antiquity, 4,000 Gold)
98% Potted Plant- (Item, Antiquity, Earth, 600 Gold)
99% Chewing Gum- (Consumable, Food, Technology & Air, 1 Charge, 250 Gold) +25 HP, +25 MP, Item's effect repeats itself for 5 rounds
100% Earplugs- (Accessory, Gadget, Air, 600 Gold) 5% Defened Resistance -6 dropped

Uncommon
1-5% Video Game Console- (Item, Antiquity, Technology, 7,000 Gold)
6-10% Portable Video Game Console- (Item, Antiquity, Technology, 4,000 Gold)
11-15% Large Platter- (Item, Antiquity, Physical, 9,000 Gold)
16-20% Pressure Cooker- (Item, Antiquity, Technology & Fire & Water, 9,000 Gold)
21-25% Router- (Item, Antiquity, Technology, 3,000 Gold)
26-29% Fax Machine- (Item, Antiquity, Technology, 5,000 Gold)
30% Thesaline Eyedrops- (Consumable, Medicine, Light, 2 Charges, 6,000 Gold) 29% Cures Blindness -2 dropped
31-33% Trenchcoat- (Armor, Clothing, Technology, 17,000 Gold) +15 Defense, +60 additional Defense for each Gun equipped to a max of 200 Guns
34-36% Box of Tissues with Cute Drawings of Monkeys and Banannas on It- (Item, Antiquity, Earth & Light, 160 Gold)
37-39% Large Folio of Maps- (Item, Antiquity, Water & Earth & Air, 6,000 Gold)
40-42% Computer Speakers- (Item, Antiquity, Technology, 2,000 Gold)
43% Racy Lingerie- (Armor, Clothes, Darkness, 900 Gold) +1 Defense, 1% Provides no Defense when attacked, Possessor’s attacks that have a chance of inflicting Charm have a 1% greater chance of doing so
44% Backpack (2)- (Accessory, Container, Technology & Water, 1,500 Gold) Possessor gains 1 Consumable slot
45% Rolled-Up Newspaper- (Weapon, Mace, Earth, 200 Gold) +2 Melee Attack, 1% inflicts Confusion, 5% does not damage
46% A Huge Grill Shaped Like an Egg- (Item, Antiquity, Fire, 65,000 Gold)
47% Stereo Whose Only Mode is “Too Loud”- (Accessory, Gadget, Technology, 40,000 Gold) 1% inflicts Deafened on 3 targets each turn
48% Softball Signed By Some Guy You Don't Recognize- (Item, Antiquity, Technology & Air & Physical, 6,000 Gold)
49% Impressively Long Shoes- (Accessory, Shoes, Technology & Air & Earth, 4,000 Gold) +15 Defense, +15 AGI, +3% Critical if no weapon slots are filled, -1% Dodge
50% Lady’s Anklet- (Item, Antiquity, Light, 900 Gold)
51% Fine Dinnerware- (Item, Antiquity, Magic, 27,000 Gold)
52% Photo of a Smug-Looking Chef with an Illegible Autograph- (Item, Antiquity, Physical & Water, 600 Gold)
53% Mage Iron Golf Club- (Weaponx2, Tool, Magic & Physical, 75,000 Gold) +79 Melee Attack, +84 Magical Attack, 5% inflicts Deafened when a Melee attack deals damage -2 dropped
54% Tiny See-Through Plastic Magnetized Box Containing Assorted Varieties of Purple Colored Paperclips- (Item, Antiquity, Magic & Technology, 700 Gold)
55% Tiny See-Through Plastic Magnetized Box Containing Blood Crimson Colored Paperclips- (Item, Antiquity, Fire, 600 Gold)
56% Tiny See-Through Plastic Magnetized Box Containing Sky Blue Colored Paperclips- (Item, Antiquity, Air, 500 Gold)
57% Tiny See-Through Plastic Magnetized Box Containing Sea Green Colored Paperclips- (Item, Antiquity, Water, 500 Gold)
58% Tiny See-Through Plastic Magnetized Box Containing Swamp Muck Colored Paperclips- (Item, Antiquity, Acid, 500 Gold)
59% Tiny See-Through Plastic Magnetized Box Containing Pink Colored Paperclips- (Item, Antiquity, Light, 500 Gold)
60% Tiny See-Through Plastic Magnetized Box Containing Glowing Colored Paperclips- (Item, Antiquity, Light, 1,100 Gold)
61% Tiny See-Through Plastic Magnetized Box Containing Glow-In-The-Dark Paperclips- (Item, Antiquity, Light & Darkness, 600 Gold)
62% Tiny See-Through Plastic Magnetized Box Containing Pine Green Colored Paperclips- (Item, Antiquity, Earth, 700 Gold)
63% Tiny See-Through Plastic Magnetized Box Containing Lemon Yellow Colored Paperclips- (Item, Antiquity, Light, 500 Gold)
64% Tiny See-Through Plastic Magnetized Box Containing Gray Colored Paperclips- (Item, Antiquity, Air, 500 Gold)
65% Tiny See-Through Plastic Magnetized Box Containing Slate Colored Paperclips- (Item, Antiquity, Earth & Physical, 500 Gold)
66% Tiny See-Through Plastic Magnetized Box Containing Jet Black Colored Paperclips- (Item, Antiquity, Darkness, 700 Gold)
67% Tiny, Plastic, Smoking Duck- (Item, Antiquity, Fire & Water & Darkness, 60 Gold)
68% New Printer- (Item, Antiquity, Technology, 14,500 Gold)
69% Lime Green Potion- (Consumable, Potion, Magic, 1 Charge, 1,200 Gold) +200 HP-only Defense against acid, lasts 3 turns
70% Bascaradine Lime Green Flyswatter: Third Revised Version- (Weapon, Tool, Air, 7,000 Gold) +3 Melee Attack, Criticals do x5 damage against Insects
71% Plastic Palm Tree- (Item, Antiquity, Earth & Water, 15,000 Gold)
72% Undead Zombie Puppy- (Pet, Undead, Darkness, Lv.1, 45,000 Gold)
HP- 95
MP- 56
STR- 22
AGI- 21
CON- 16
MIN- 11
SPI- 13
XP- 0
XP Needed- 1,000
Defense- 10, +10 against Darkness
Defense against Stat Damage- 0
Critical Change- 1%
Resilience- 0%
To Hit- 99%
Dodge- 0%
Resistances and Immunities- None
Prime Attribute- Strength
Constant Effects-
Harvestable Corpse- Possessor may at any time change this item to the item Dead Zombie Puppy, Transmutable Trait
Abilities-
Bite- 15 Damage, Physical, 0 MP
Moaning Howl- 1% inflicts Fear, Darkness & Physical, 14 MP
Necrosis Cuddle- 110 Damage, Heals Undead, Darkness, 25 MP
73% Speakers- (Item, Antiquity, Technology, 15,000 Gold)
74% Money Box- (Item, Antiquity, Physical, 4,000 Gold)
75% Terrarium- (Item, Antiquity, Technology & Fire & Water & Earth, 14,000 Gold)
76% Pirate Clothes- (Armor, Clothes, Water, 14,000 Gold) +19 Defense, 5% Water Resistance, +20 Melee Attack if a Sword is equipped, +20 Ranged Attack if a Gun is equipped
77% Photo Guide 15: “Mines of the World”- (Item, Antiquity, Technology, 900 Gold)
78% Soda Machine- (Item, Antiquity, Technology, 60,000 Gold)
79% Snack Machine- (Item, Antiquity, Technology, 60,000 Gold)
80% Statue of a Monkey With a Cigarette- (Item, Antiquity, Fire & Earth, 20,000 Gold)
81% Wigmaker’s Kit- (Item, Antiquity, Air, 17,000 Gold)
82% Pompous Wig- (Accessory, Hat, Light & Air, 25,000 Gold) +50 to all stats if at least two of possessor’s stats are higher than said stats on all enemies, -50 to all stats otherwise
83% Fancy Pants- (Armorx.5, Clothes, Magic & Air, 60,000 Gold) +35 Defense, +1% Gold dropped from battles, 5% resists theft or destruction of items caused by individuals of lower level than wearer, 1% inflicts Charm on each foe at the beginning of battle
84% Basic Wine Press- (Item, Antiquity, Technology & Water, 12,000 Gold)
85%So, You Want to Ride a Horse but Can't Figure it Out? (You Idiot.)- (Item, Antiquity, Air, 130 Gold)
86% Black Potion- (Consumable, Potion, Darkness, 1 Charge, 4,000 Gold) For the next round, Darkness attacks doing under 400,000 damage heal this item’s user for 10% of their damage
87% Fancy Necktie- (Accessory, Amulet, Technology, 45,000 Gold) +5 Defense
88% Gray Tuesday Wine- (Consumable, Drink, Water, 1 Charge, 100 Gold) +2 CON, 6% Inflicts Drunkenness -3 dropped
89% Orange Porcelain Lamp with Shifting Designs- (Item, Antiquity, Fire & Electrical, 60,000 Gold)
90% Excellent Set of Gold Clubs- (Item, Antiquity, Technology & Physical, 97,000 Gold)
91% Enameled Whalebone Hairbrush- (Item, Antiquity, Water, 7,000 Gold)
92% Green Porcelain Lamp with Shifting Designs- (Item, Antiquity, Earth & Electrical, 60,000 Gold)
93% Enchant Weapon: Bird-Slaying- (Spell, Enchantment, Magic, 30 MP, 80,000 Gold) Gives target weapon the permanent Enchantment Bird-Slaying, costs 1,000 XP and 5,000 Gold
94% Shiny Prism- (Accessory, Crystal, Magic, 5,000 Gold) +5 to all stats
95% Bascaradine Brand Pumpkin Carving Tools- (Item, Antiquity, Technology & Earth, 7,000 Gold)
96% Clam-Shell Hand Mirror- (Item, Antiquity, Water & Earth, 900 Gold)
97% 5 Pretty Dresses in a Box- (Item, Antiquity, Earth & Air, 15,000 Gold)
98% Amazingly Loud Tropical Shirt- (Armorx.5, Clothing, Water & Air & Fire & Light, 17,000 Gold) +45 Defense, 5% Dodge, 90% Water Resistance, 5% Fire Resistance, 5% Chaos Resistance
99% Laptop Computer- (Item, Antiquity, Technology, 16,000 Gold)
100% Talisman of DEF Drain- (Consumable, Enchanted Item, Magic, 1 Charge, 30,000 Gold) 5% Inflicts DEF Drain -15 dropped


Rare
1-26% Business in a Nutshell- (Item, Antiquity, Technology, 500 Gold)
27-37% Office Necromancy for Everyday Use- (Item, Antiquity, Darkness & Technology, 7,000 Gold)
38-48% How to Improve Your Profits Through the Undead- (Item, Antiquity, Darkness & Technology, 15,000 Gold)
49-59% How to Use Fell Contracts for Business Success- (Item, Antiquity, Darkness & Fire, 16,000 Gold)
60-70% The Success Secrets of the Daemon Businesses of the Dusk Realm- (Item, Antiquity, Darkness, 20,000 Gold)
71-76% Magic Blade of Flame- (Weapon, Sword, Magic & Fire, 30,000 Gold) +60 Magical Attack
77-82% Magic Blade of Frost- (Weapon, Sword, Magic & Ice, 30,000 Gold) +60 Magical Attack
83-88% Magic Blade of Thunder- (Weapon, Sword, Magic & Electrical, 30,000 Gold) +60 Magical Attack
89-90% Witch Child’s Hat- (Accessory, Hat, Darkness & Magic, 78,000 Gold) +52 Defense, +45 Magical Attack, +60 additional Magical Attack to Dark Magic spells, which cost wearer 30 MP less, 5% Dodge
91-92% Cyanide-Filled Sandwich- (Consumable, Food, Acid & Darkness, 17,000 Gold) Inflicts Poison, This Poison cannot be cured by individuals under level 5 using spells or abilities or by items worth under 10,000 Gold, This Poison only has a 1% chance of wearing off
93-94% Blazing Staple Gun of Power- (Weapon, Gun, Technology & Fire, 65,000 Gold) +75 Ranged Attack, 5% inflicts Pain on hit, +45 STR
95-96% Flaming Sword- (Weapon, Sword, Fire, 27,000 Gold) +35 Magical Attack, +300 additional Fire element damage on hit
97-98% Blade of Slashing- (Weapon, Sword, Physical, 20,000 Gold) +47 Melee Attack
99% Almost Vorpal Yoyo of Sorta-Kinda Soul Sucking- (Weapon, Other: Yoyo, Magic & Darkness, 3,000 Gold) +15 Melee Attack, +3 Magical Attack, +1% Critical, Heals 1 Damage on Hit
100% Building a Necromantic Daemon Artifact Engine to Help Your Business in 15,000,000 Difficult Steps, and Why Doing So Is Worth It- (Item, Antiquity, Technology & Darkness, 470,000 Gold)

Uncle Steve's Wacky Sword

Remember, all of these are in addition to the normal attack unless otherwise specified.

1-50: The sword summons three other swords from midair that attack the target for 150 physical damage each.
51-70: The sword heals its user for 300 in a flurry of white sparkles.
71-80: Scorpions jump out of the sword?s hilt and swarm the battlefield, poisoning everyone.
81-90: The sword becomes a shield for next turn that provides +600 Defense.
91-100: The sword jumps out of its wielder?s hands, grows arms and legs, and conjures up a cane and a top hat. It then proceeds to do a song and dance routine. This lasts 7 turns. During those turns, the sword provides no bonuses but has a 5% chance of charming each enemy each turn.
101-110: The sword begins to burn. It gains the Fire element for the rest of the battle, losing all other elements.
111-120: The sword becomes liquid. It gains the Water element for the rest of the battle, losing all other elements.
121-130: The sword crackles with electricity and booms with thunder when swung. It gains the Electrical element for the rest of the battle, losing all other elements.
131-140: The sword is suddenly coated with chilling ice. It gains the Ice element for the rest of the battle, losing all other elements.
141-150: The sword begins to drip with poison. It gains the Acid element for the rest of the battle, losing all other elements. IT also has a 20% chance to poison on hit.
151-200: The sword decides to choose its own target this round, attacking someone random.
201: The sword vanishes. It reappears at the battle?s end.
202-215: The sword creates a bunch of colored bubbles that have no actual effect.
215-227: The sword summons a rubber ducky that drops onto the enemy. Unfortunately, the ducky does no actual damage.
228-230: The sword doubles all XP gained in the battle.
231-235: The sword begins to sing in a horrid, shrill voice. All enemies lose 20 defense, but they also focus all attacks on the sword?s wielder for the next turn.
235-240: The sword creates clones of every enemy that join their non-clone brethren. It also does no damage this turn. Oops.
241-250: The sword does something so odd that no one can tell what it exactly did. Whatever it was, it had a 20% chance of Confusing everyone in the battle.
251: The sword successfully creates a court out of thin air and sues its owner for subjecting it to the horrors of battle. The jury is moved and awards the sword 5,000 of its owner?s gold pieces, which promptly disappear. The sword also does no damage. Fortunately, the monsters all forget to attack this round if they didn?t already do so.
252-255: The sword summons 15 abstracts that are between levels 1 and 15. They all decide they hate the sword?s wielder. Wow, this sucks.
256-270: The sword?s bonuses are doubled for the remainder of the battle.
171-300: Uncle Steve appears out of nowhere and dispenses handy advice. This advice is so handy that it gives you 50 XP and increases all of your stats by 10 for the remainder of the battle. You probably didn?t even know you had an Uncle Steve until now.
301-340: The sword summons random objects and does 50 Chaos damage to a random enemy.
341-370: The sword does something really wacky. Roll again three times. This result can be rolled again on these rerolls.
371: 10,000 gold falls out of midair and hits you. You take 60 damage from the falling coins, but, on the bright side, you get to keep it.
372: The sword generates an item for its wielder. Contact Gad. (Or just take a coral spear if Gad doesn't respond for a day)
373: The sword generates an enemy to fight. Contact Gad. (Or just summon a zombie if Gad doesn't respond for a day)
374: The sword creates an ally for its wielder. Its wielder chooses any pet from the Zoo Record of an available level equal to or less than the wielder's level. This pet joins the sword's wielder for the rest of the combat.
375-376: The sword gets even wackier. A new effect is added to this table.
377-500: The sword does nothing.

In Search of Darkness

This item currently has no special effects that are known. Nyrr'Hul'Ulaath has been sealed by Tari Eledwhen, and as of the moment, while some dark presence is taking over control of the tomes, it has not done anything with said control yet.

Obsolete Table Version wrote:On quests or vs. NPCs, leave the details to me.

In arena fights the following have a chance of occurring instead of a normal move every turn:

(If physical attack) 5% Eyes glow red, the weapon is covered in red and black flames, double critical chance, target is random
(If physical attack) 5% Eyes glow black, mouths appear in midair and begin singing in some strange tongue, attack does MP damage and restores MP equal to damage dealt
(If physical attack) 1% Eyes glow green, tenticles pour from extradimensional gates and hold the enemy in place, the attack cannot miss

(If magical attack) 5% Eyes glow red and black, character chants in ancient tongue, attack does darkness damage instead of the normal damage type, 100 damage added to attack
(If magical attack) 5% Eyes glow red and green, mouths appear in midair and begin singing in some strange tongue, attack does MP damage and restores MP equal to damage dealt
(If magical attack) 1% Eyes glow blue, character cries oily black tears, tears congeal into a pool that floats into the air and sprays enemies, all enemies are poisoned and confused, normal attack still happens

(If ranged attack) 5% Alien weapons appear in midair (give them eyes, mouths, tendrils, etc) and assist the assault, Ranged Attack bonus is doubled
(If ranged attack) 5% Shadows melt into dopplegangers of the character, all enemies are attacked once each by the dopplegangers
(If magical attack) 1% Character shrieks an unearthly wail, all foes are confused and paralyzed

(If other move) 5% Character's stomach becomes bloated and the character promptly vomits 1-5 Lashmorduu that assist it in battle
(If other move) 1% Character stands still, stares into space, starts laughing manically, regains all MP
(If other move) 1% Character begins convulsing on the ground, flesh falls off of bones, and shadows cover the character, creating new flesh and healing all HP
(If other move) .1% The character's eyes glow a soul-searing black, the character's voice becomes deep and gutteral, the character shouts "I am the vessel of Nyrr'Ull'Hultah, bearer of his glorious word, you who dare stand before the immaculate darness will naught but perish." The character waves a hand and the enemies explode and shadow tendrils burst out of their insides; all enemies suffer instant death.
(If other move) .1% The character bows down in supplication while laughing evily, Nyrr'Ull'Hulath materializes for a split second, blotting out all light save his own dark radience and destroys the minds of the character's foes, all enemies suffer insanity.

If battling with allies who do *not* serve Nyrr'Ull'Hulath: 50% the character attacks an ally instead of an enemy

The character WILL NOT fight darkspawn. The character may take rewards from the Lashmorduu reward table instead of the reward tables of whatever she was fighting.

The character cannot unequip this outside of quests, so you can leave that to me.

Muto Cola

1-10: Target's element becomes Fire if target is below Level 20 or willing
11-20: Target's element becomes Water if target is below Level 20 or willing
21-30: Target's element becomes Air if target is below Level 20 or willing
31-40: Target's element becomes Earth if target is below Level 20 or willing
41-50: Target's element becomes Technology if target is below Level 20 or willing
51-60: Target's element becomes Magic if target is below Level 20 or willing
61-70: Target's element becomes Light if target is below Level 20 or willing
71-80: Target's element becomes Darkness if target is below Level 20 or willing
81-90: Target's element becomes Physical if target is below Level 20 or willing
91-100: Target's element becomes Psychic if target is below Level 20 or willing
101-110: Target's element becomes Ice if target is below Level 20 or willing
111-120: Target's element becomes Electrical if target is below Level 20 or willing
121-130: Target's element becomes Acid if target is below Level 20 or willing
131-140: Target's subtype becomes Humanoid if target is below Level 20 or willing
141-150: Target's subtype becomes Bio-Horror if target is below Level 20 or willing
151-160: Target's subtype becomes Ooze if target is below Level 20 or willing
161-170: Target's subtype becomes Elemental if target is below Level 20 or willing
171-180: Target's subtype becomes Insect if target is below Level 20 or willing
181-190: Target's subtype becomes Magic Being if target is below Level 20 or willing
191-200: Target's gains +200 Melee Attack and all of target's Damage values on abilities increase by 2,000 if target is below Level 20 or willing
201-210: Target's gains -200 Melee Attack and all of target's Damage values on abilities decrease by 2,000 if target is below Level 40 or willing
211-220: Target's gains +200 Ranged Attack and all of target's Damage values on abilities increase by 2,000 if target is below Level 20 or willing
221-230: Target's gains -200 Ranged Attack and all of target's Damage values on abilities decrease by 2,000 if target is below Level 40 or willing
231-240: Target's gains +200 Magical Attack and all of target's Damage values on abilities increase by 2,000 if target is below Level 20 or willing
241-250: Target's gains -200 Magical Attack and all of target's Damage values on abilities decrease by 2,000 if target is below Level 40 or willing
251-260: Target's gains +200 Defense if target is below Level 20 or willing
261-270: Target's gains -400 Defense if target is below Level 40 or willing
271-280: Target's gains +100 STR if target is below Level 20 or willing
281-290: Target's gains -200 STR if target is below Level 40 or willing
291-300: Target's gains +100 AGI if target is below Level 20 or willing
301-310: Target's gains -200 AGI if target is below Level 40 or willing
311-320: Target's gains +100 CON if target is below Level 20 or willing
321-330: Target's gains -200 CON if target is below Level 40 or willing
331-340: Target's gains +100 MIN if target is below Level 20 or willing
341-350: Target's gains -200 MIN if target is below Level 40 or willing
351-360: Target's gains +100 SPI if target is below Level 20 or willing
361-370: Target's gains -200 SPI if target is below Level 40 or willing
371-380: Target's gains 5% Earth Resistance if target is below Level 20 or willing
381-390: Target's gains 5% Air Resistance if target is below Level 20 or willing
391-400: Target's gains 5% Fire Resistance if target is below Level 20 or willing
401-410: Target's gains 5% Water Resistance if target is below Level 20 or willing
411-420: Target's gains 5% Light Resistance if target is below Level 20 or willing
421-430: Target's gains 5% Darkness Resistance if target is below Level 20 or willing
431-440: Target's gains 5% Magic Resistance if target is below Level 20 or willing
441-450: Target's gains 5% Technology Resistance if target is below Level 20 or willing
451-460: Target's gains 5% Psychic Resistance if target is below Level 20 or willing
461-470: Target's gains 5% Physical Resistance if target is below Level 20 or willing
471-480: Target's gains 5% Ice Resistance if target is below Level 20 or willing
481-490: Target's gains 5% Electrical Resistance if target is below Level 20 or willing
491-500: Target's gains 5% Acid Resistance if target is below Level 20 or willing
501-510: Target becomes a Common Jell, Does not work on unique targets, Does not work on targets above Level 5, This is either a buff or a debuff (as appropriate) and a Polymorph Effect, This effect replaces any Polymorph Effect from a source of equal or lower Level than 20 and cannot replace a Polymorph Effect from a source of higher Level than its 19, Individuals may normally have a max of one Polymorph Effect on them at any given time, This effect does not remove damage, MP damage / loss, stat damage, debuffs, buffs, status effects, or any other such effects on its target
510-520: Target becomes a Noise Beetle, Does not work on unique targets, Does not work on targets above Level 19, This is either a buff or a debuff (as appropriate) and a Polymorph Effect, This effect replaces any Polymorph Effect from a source of equal or lower Level than 40 and cannot replace a Polymorph Effect from a source of higher Level than its 39, Individuals may normally have a max of one Polymorph Effect on them at any given time, This effect does not remove damage, MP damage / loss, stat damage, debuffs, buffs, status effects, or any other such effects on its target
521-530: Target gains 15% inflicts Paralysis, overrides Transmute Arms spells, counts as a Transmute Arms spell, only works if target is below Level 20 or willing
531-540: Target gains 20% Critical, overrides Transmute Arms spells, counts as a Transmute Arms spell, only works if target is below Level 20 or willing
541-550: Target gains 15% inflicts Stun, overrides Transmute Arms spells, counts as a Transmute Arms spell, only works if target is below Level 20 or willing
551-560: Target gains 20% Acid Resistance, Target gains 30% Dissolving Resistance, Target gains +140 Defense against Acid, overrides Transmute Form spells, counts as a Transmute Form spell, only works if target is below Level 20 or willing
561-570: Target gains 30% Acid Weakness, overrides Transmute Form spells, counts as a Transmute Form spell, only works if target is below Level 40 and non-unique or willing
571-580: Target gains 20% Resilience, overrides Transmute Form spells, counts as a Transmute Form spell, only works if target is below Level 20 and non-unique or willing
581-590: Target gains 120% To Hit, overrides Transmute Head spells, counts as a Transmute Head spell, only works if target is below Level 20 or willing
591-600: Target gains 20% Dodge, overrides Transmute Legs spells, counts as a Transmute Legs spell, only works if target is below Level 20 and non-unique or willing

Fading Call: Wacky Weddings Highlight Reel

1: Summons 1 Frankenstein on caster's side of battle, with damage dealt to the Frankenstein by sources below Level 40 being redirected to the caster, max 1 summoned; All of caster's Armor is unequipped, then caster gains the item Wedding Dress from the shop, and said item is equipped on caster in one of caster's Armor slots if caster possesses such a slot. A max of 5 such items may be generated per caster or copy of the spell per day.
2: 70% inflicts Confusion on every individual in battle
3: Every PC in battle is given the item Wedding Cake and the item Glue, to a max of 200 such items being generated per caster or copy of the spell per thread
4: Summons 1 Level 1 Armadillo from the Zoo Record to a random side of battle, with said Armadillo being given a buff that provides +3,000 to all stats, max 1 summoned. Said Armadillo counts as wearing 1 Robe Armor and having 1 Book Weapon equipped. Said Armadillo may spend an action to inflict Confusion.
5: Heals 10 random targets for 10,000 Flat Light element HP Healing, inflicts Burning on one random target
6: Chooses 2 random targets on one side of battle. Said targets may redirect damage from sources below Level 40 to each other. If either target dies and the other is below Level 40, then said other individual is afflicted with Instant Death and Confusion: Depression.
7: A random target's element is changed to Chaos & Light if said target is either willing or below Level 40
8: All individuals on a randomly chosen side of battle receive +500 to all stats as a non-stacking buff and are afflicted with Confusion: Drunk
9: Half of the individuals in battle, randomly chosen, are afflicted with Charm if below Level 40 with caster as the source. After this, the source of their Charm infliction is changed to a random source who is not afflicted with Charm who may refuse this transfer if above Level 39.
10: A random target is afflicted with Confusion, Charm, Awestruck, Impaired: Blind, and Poison: Drunk. Said target is immediately given an additional action if no individual above Level 39 objects to such.

Clock of the Moon

Temporal Interlopers Encounter Table:

* 1-10: 1 Clock Spirit
* 11-20: 1 Hourglass Man
* 21-30: 1-8 Hourglass Man, 1-5 Clock Spirit
* 31-40: 1 Left Face of Thursday
* 41-50: 1 Ticking Savant
* 51-60: 1-6 Ticking Savant
* 61-70: 1 Goggles of Lggjatt
* 71-80: 2 Goggles of Lggjatt
* 81-90: 1 Lesser Eon Worm
* 91-100: 6-45 Lesser Eon Worm
* 101-110: 1 Watch Dog (2)
* 111-120: 2-5 Watch Dog (2), 1-3 Ticking Savant
* 221-230: 1 Time Elemental
* 231-240: 2-30 Time Elemental
* 241-245: 1 Temporal Interloper
* 246: 1 Lesser Chronoreaper

Dice Tables

Dead Bonesey Table:
1: Wielder dies
2-15: No extra effect
16-19: 30% inflicts Instant Death
20: 50% inflicts an instance of Instant Death that makes entities killed by it unable to be resurrected by non-Entombed below Level 96
%The World's Bounciest Dice: A Parable in Weapon Form- (Weapon, Dice, Life & Destruction, 8,000,000 Gold) +8,000 Ranged Attack, Wielder's 'Ranged Attack' actions repeat against randomized targets if wielder wants them to at the start of each round if none of wielder's other actions have repeated yet on those rounds