You All Have Yet Another Phone Call
Posted: Sun Dec 22, 2024 12:06 am
You've already picked it up. It's too late to hang up now. That'd just be impolite.
At the other end, a rambling, tired-sounding male voice speaks.
"Yes, this is Mr. Progression...
...
...well...
...thanks for calling.
This is everyone, isn't it? I thought I'd conference you all in once more.
...well, most of everyone.
Some of most of everyone.
I guess everyone's got busy lives nowadays...
...or having busy lives pushed in their faces or other parts of themselves they'd rather it wasn't...
...it's been pretty busy here, too.
...well...
...I say 'busy', but I've mostly been just sitting about doing very important things that aren't at all just doing nothing.
Really, I haven't.
...I'd say it's all the boss's fault, but he'd just start screaming again.
And not in the angry way, more the 'soul-crushing despair' kind of way.
It's kind of a downer.
Really, honestly a downer.
But I get it, you know?
Sometimes life just be like that, you know?
...at least, that's what the kids nowadays say, anyway.
They don't seem to care about their grammar.
Either linguistic or family-related.
It's tragic.
Really, truly tragic.
Who'll they get to bake them socks and knit them cookies if they alienate people and/or language constructs like that?
...
...anyway.
It's that thing that you guys all like again.
...what?
No, it's not Ultra Grabby-Walrusfest Hyper Turbo X Edition Featuring Zeero Megamegagogo and Plixplix from Angels May Scream (In Terror While Running Away).
We've got that at home.
...and by 'That', I mean 'I'm opening the Whateverhouse again for the festive season and dragging some other guys into it too because the boss keeps going on about gifting and then screaming about how he's now doing more gifting than he expected'.
All cleared by the Big Guy, and everything.
It's very above-board.
...mostly above-board.
Definitely north of the wainscoting, at least.
...
...what?
No, I said 'wainscoting', not 'Wain's Cotting'.
Don't go dragging out obscure Monty Python skits about nonexistant rural villages on me, I've read the entire book.
...anyway.
This year, we're going to be focusing on all those new categories and subtypes and derivatives the Big Guy has come up with whilst doing that big reorganisation.
Get some more examples out there, you know?
Maybe fill in some gaps, you know?
Including gaps that you didn't know existed yet because they don't exist yet in-Universe, but they will, and in fact do, you just can't see them.
...that's right, we're on the bleeding edge of discovery right here.
Slap a bandage on and dive on in.
...
...what?
How does it work?
You don't want to figure it out for yourselves?
...
...the boss is yelling at me again.
...fine.
First, you use one of your Premium Temporary Festive Whateverhouse Ticket Hyper Turbo X Edition Featuring Zeero Megamegagogo and Plixplix from Angels May Scream But Not Really...s.
Next, you need to pick a Category.
Then, you need to pick a Mod World.
If you pick Seirei, you need to pick a Moon.
...people who've been paying attention might have more moons to pick from than others.
If you pick Sesamara, you need to pick a Dreaming World.
...that guy says that picking the Serpent Cradle would probably count too, even if the big snake isn't technically asleep.
If you pick Sanctum Victoria, you need to choose between Steam, Grandeur, or the Mystery Box.
...your guess is as good as mine.
...
...and that's it.
You just stand there screaming until your gift pops into being in front of you.
...oh, and the boss wanted to let you know that picking a powerful moon doesn't necessarily mean you're going to get its best-element or -subtype stuff.
"Spread your picks out a little, why don't you, you bastards?"
...that's what somebody who isn't me would say if that theoretical situation were to occur.
I'm far too professional to do that, of course.
Really, way too professional.
...
...have you noticed all of those places start with 'S'?
I'm beginning to think there's some sort of conspiracy at play, here.
Somebody track down those Puzzle Dudes and start demanding straight answers.
...you know, to offset the curves in the 'S's.
...
...what?
How many tickets do you get?
...well...
...each of the meta-entities controlling all of you guys get four tickets each.
Because there are now way too many of you, and the boss wants to keep things fair.
Except the Big Guy, who gets twelve because that's his number. He can do what he wants with them.
...what?
Why four?
Because that's the Big Guy's holy number divided by the number of the Saints.
...or if you don't really believe in him, it's because it's the number of days in that festive period divided by an arbitrary three because of reasons.
...also, that means you're gadnostic.
...
...well, anyway.
As usual, this will be open until the end of New Year's Day.
That should be long enough to decide, but still short enough to panic.
...and isn't that what the season's all about?
...
...so, what'll it be?"
Mr. Progression's Festive Call-In Whateverhouse III- New Derivatives Hyper Turbo X Edition Definitely Probably Not Featuring Zeero Megamegagogo and Plixplix from Angels May Scream
Four picks per player!
Gadigan gets twelve picks, and can keep or distribute results wherever as he sees fit!
Choose a character to pull with, then a category, then select a mod-world and its particular modifier!
For Seirei, choose a Moon!
For Sesamara, choose a Dreaming World!
For Sanctum Victoria, choose either Steam, Grandeur or the Mystery Box!
Closes at midnight on New Year's Day! (Let's say... PST)
♦◊♦ I Saw Mommy Killing Santa Claus (Underneath Munitions Nouveau Last Night) 'Weapons and the like, all under those new derivative subtypes that have popped up. Maybe you'll even get something you can use!'
♦◊♦ Now We Don Our What The Hells Are These, How Do You Even Wear This Apparel 'Armour from those new derivatives that showed up. Look as fancy as you feel confused. Or possibly uncomfortable, in some cases. I'm pretty sure some of those would ride up like nobody's business.'
♦◊♦ The First Snow-Spell (The Nonbase Angel Did Slay) 'Guess what? There's new varieties of Spell, too. And they've all been freshly shuffled into new groupings. These guys might get changed later, as they're still needing a bit longer in the oven, but there's a lot of options. Like, a lot.'
♦◊♦ Probably, Definitely More Than Just Five Gold Rings 'Accessories got organised, too. They're probably even threatening a union. Teach them not to do that by picking from this section, and then try to work out how you equip furniture, or something.'
♦◊♦ We Three Things Of Orient Are 'Not pets. Definitely, probably not pets. But there's a bunch of fancy new-ish entity subtypes out there that nobody's been paying attention to, and now they're sad and looking through the windows and making you depressed. Stuff from here will probably work with or boost them.'
♦◊♦ I Saw A Glitch Come Sailing In (Double-Pick) 'Sure, I'll just wade back on in to the gaping holes left in reality and fish out some probably-useless stuff if that's what you really want. Might not work for the non-Seirei worlds, though. I don't think they got dinged up as badly.'
At the other end, a rambling, tired-sounding male voice speaks.
"Yes, this is Mr. Progression...
...
...well...
...thanks for calling.
This is everyone, isn't it? I thought I'd conference you all in once more.
...well, most of everyone.
Some of most of everyone.
I guess everyone's got busy lives nowadays...
...or having busy lives pushed in their faces or other parts of themselves they'd rather it wasn't...
...it's been pretty busy here, too.
...well...
...I say 'busy', but I've mostly been just sitting about doing very important things that aren't at all just doing nothing.
Really, I haven't.
...I'd say it's all the boss's fault, but he'd just start screaming again.
And not in the angry way, more the 'soul-crushing despair' kind of way.
It's kind of a downer.
Really, honestly a downer.
But I get it, you know?
Sometimes life just be like that, you know?
...at least, that's what the kids nowadays say, anyway.
They don't seem to care about their grammar.
Either linguistic or family-related.
It's tragic.
Really, truly tragic.
Who'll they get to bake them socks and knit them cookies if they alienate people and/or language constructs like that?
...
...anyway.
It's that thing that you guys all like again.
...what?
No, it's not Ultra Grabby-Walrusfest Hyper Turbo X Edition Featuring Zeero Megamegagogo and Plixplix from Angels May Scream (In Terror While Running Away).
We've got that at home.
...and by 'That', I mean 'I'm opening the Whateverhouse again for the festive season and dragging some other guys into it too because the boss keeps going on about gifting and then screaming about how he's now doing more gifting than he expected'.
All cleared by the Big Guy, and everything.
It's very above-board.
...mostly above-board.
Definitely north of the wainscoting, at least.
...
...what?
No, I said 'wainscoting', not 'Wain's Cotting'.
Don't go dragging out obscure Monty Python skits about nonexistant rural villages on me, I've read the entire book.
...anyway.
This year, we're going to be focusing on all those new categories and subtypes and derivatives the Big Guy has come up with whilst doing that big reorganisation.
Get some more examples out there, you know?
Maybe fill in some gaps, you know?
Including gaps that you didn't know existed yet because they don't exist yet in-Universe, but they will, and in fact do, you just can't see them.
...that's right, we're on the bleeding edge of discovery right here.
Slap a bandage on and dive on in.
...
...what?
How does it work?
You don't want to figure it out for yourselves?
...
...the boss is yelling at me again.
...fine.
First, you use one of your Premium Temporary Festive Whateverhouse Ticket Hyper Turbo X Edition Featuring Zeero Megamegagogo and Plixplix from Angels May Scream But Not Really...s.
Next, you need to pick a Category.
Then, you need to pick a Mod World.
If you pick Seirei, you need to pick a Moon.
...people who've been paying attention might have more moons to pick from than others.
If you pick Sesamara, you need to pick a Dreaming World.
...that guy says that picking the Serpent Cradle would probably count too, even if the big snake isn't technically asleep.
If you pick Sanctum Victoria, you need to choose between Steam, Grandeur, or the Mystery Box.
...your guess is as good as mine.
...
...and that's it.
You just stand there screaming until your gift pops into being in front of you.
...oh, and the boss wanted to let you know that picking a powerful moon doesn't necessarily mean you're going to get its best-element or -subtype stuff.
"Spread your picks out a little, why don't you, you bastards?"
...that's what somebody who isn't me would say if that theoretical situation were to occur.
I'm far too professional to do that, of course.
Really, way too professional.
...
...have you noticed all of those places start with 'S'?
I'm beginning to think there's some sort of conspiracy at play, here.
Somebody track down those Puzzle Dudes and start demanding straight answers.
...you know, to offset the curves in the 'S's.
...
...what?
How many tickets do you get?
...well...
...each of the meta-entities controlling all of you guys get four tickets each.
Because there are now way too many of you, and the boss wants to keep things fair.
Except the Big Guy, who gets twelve because that's his number. He can do what he wants with them.
...what?
Why four?
Because that's the Big Guy's holy number divided by the number of the Saints.
...or if you don't really believe in him, it's because it's the number of days in that festive period divided by an arbitrary three because of reasons.
...also, that means you're gadnostic.
...
...well, anyway.
As usual, this will be open until the end of New Year's Day.
That should be long enough to decide, but still short enough to panic.
...and isn't that what the season's all about?
...
...so, what'll it be?"
Mr. Progression's Festive Call-In Whateverhouse III- New Derivatives Hyper Turbo X Edition Definitely Probably Not Featuring Zeero Megamegagogo and Plixplix from Angels May Scream
Four picks per player!
Gadigan gets twelve picks, and can keep or distribute results wherever as he sees fit!
Choose a character to pull with, then a category, then select a mod-world and its particular modifier!
For Seirei, choose a Moon!
For Sesamara, choose a Dreaming World!
For Sanctum Victoria, choose either Steam, Grandeur or the Mystery Box!
Closes at midnight on New Year's Day! (Let's say... PST)
♦◊♦ I Saw Mommy Killing Santa Claus (Underneath Munitions Nouveau Last Night) 'Weapons and the like, all under those new derivative subtypes that have popped up. Maybe you'll even get something you can use!'
♦◊♦ Now We Don Our What The Hells Are These, How Do You Even Wear This Apparel 'Armour from those new derivatives that showed up. Look as fancy as you feel confused. Or possibly uncomfortable, in some cases. I'm pretty sure some of those would ride up like nobody's business.'
♦◊♦ The First Snow-Spell (The Nonbase Angel Did Slay) 'Guess what? There's new varieties of Spell, too. And they've all been freshly shuffled into new groupings. These guys might get changed later, as they're still needing a bit longer in the oven, but there's a lot of options. Like, a lot.'
♦◊♦ Probably, Definitely More Than Just Five Gold Rings 'Accessories got organised, too. They're probably even threatening a union. Teach them not to do that by picking from this section, and then try to work out how you equip furniture, or something.'
♦◊♦ We Three Things Of Orient Are 'Not pets. Definitely, probably not pets. But there's a bunch of fancy new-ish entity subtypes out there that nobody's been paying attention to, and now they're sad and looking through the windows and making you depressed. Stuff from here will probably work with or boost them.'
♦◊♦ I Saw A Glitch Come Sailing In (Double-Pick) 'Sure, I'll just wade back on in to the gaping holes left in reality and fish out some probably-useless stuff if that's what you really want. Might not work for the non-Seirei worlds, though. I don't think they got dinged up as badly.'